Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The grass is NOT always greener
Last fall as I waited in the pick up lane at school I endlessly watched this mom that always parked a couple of cars in front of me. As an ASD mom you often wonder what it's like to not live in our world and how lucky those are that don't have to deal with autism.
This is what I was doing as I watched this mom. Every day she would pull up and would unknowingly entertain me. Some days she would get out of her car with her baby in tow. Sometimes she would change the baby in the back of her truck. Others she would walk in and out of the office to drop off party supplies. Whatever it was, I was in awe of this mom.
Why? well her life seemed so perfect. Here she was so composed. She was picking up the most perfect little boy who was in the 4 year old age range and had a second baby in her arms. The baby reminded me so much of my son at that age. She is blonde with perfect hair, a perfect body and just always has a smile on her face. One happy smiling family with no issues like mine! What was not to envy? This is what I want! a second baby that has yet to happen in my life, a constant smile and just that easy life I seem to think parents of typical children have and completely take for granted.
Out of nowhere on March 31st I got an e-mail from my husband. He was getting a physical and the nurse's best friend has a child with autism. She would be calling me he said. She did. She called me and we spoke for like an hour. Yet another random mom I speak to and connect with in the hopes of helping out her son. It was a routine day for me. Except this time, it was different. I arrange to meet this mom for a playdate the next day and to keep chatting.
This was great! It was April 1st (April fools day).She lives BLOCKS away from my house. A 2 minute car ride! Wonderful! I get there and the door to her house was open. I call out and she yells that it's ok to come in. She peeks her head through the door and there she was.....the mystery mom who I always admired. April fools day on me!
I could not believe this! No! can't be! why does she have to be an asd mom too. Damn it! there goes my grass is greener concept. My hear sank and I was angry as well. All this time, she was going through the same ups and downs as I was. While I welcomed yet another asd mommy friend and was excited to have found such a cool one, I could not help but wonder how bizarre this scenario had been for me. I wondered if maybe I come off this way to others as well. After all, after much thinking, I realized that if you take away the perfect hair and body (lol) I am also always smiling when I pick up my son as well and he is pretty perfect too! It's all how you look at it no? Taught me a quick lesson about assuming and we all know what that means....(if you don't -ask me and I will tell you why you are not to assume)
It has been almost 2 months that she has been in my life. What a God send that has been. We are so similar. We have made each other cry and laugh. I find myself reminding myself of things to tell her the next time I see her. The daily pick up car lane afternoons are now spent chatting up the latest updates in our lives and comparing notes.
I no longer get to watch her and imagine her happy life, I am now a part of it. I hope we can both be happy in it. She is my new best friend and I hope to share many many moments with her and one day, look back and reflect on this stage in our lives. Like she says " we will be sipping drinks in Maui laughing about it."
Love ya girl!