So, I attended a parent coffee break sponsored by the local CARD group. I had never attended one so I was not sure what to expect.Got there on time, picked up my coffee and headed to meet the moms. They were all sitting in a long table, about 7 of them. There was one mom who I already knew from my son's new ABA place. The table was divided already with the moms of the older kids on one side and the ones with the younger kids on the other. I introduced myself and jumped right into the small talk. As we got going, I started to talk more with "my side" - the parents of younger children.
My son is 6 so I was giving the moms of the 2 and 3 year old advice on biomedical, therapy, vaccines, etc. At one point, I was engaged in conversation with a mom who had gotten there late where I hear one of the mom of the older kids refute EVERYTHING about biomed and vaccines that I had told the mom I already knew before this meet! It happened so fast that I could not interrupt my current conversation to go back and defend her!
This mom that I already knew IS doing biomedical interventions on her 2 year old daughter and she was getting attacked by this other mom. I don't mean attacked in a rude way or anything. It was more along the lines of " listen, my son is 15 and nothing of what you are doing will work, blah blah blah- you have to accept her as is and just stick with therapy"
Just as I was finishing my conversation with the mom that had gotten there late, I turned around to join the conversation next to me and defend this mom but the group was quickly dispersing and everyone was saying goodbye. I did not get a chance to butt in and I was so upset about it. Throughout the entire morning it seemed as if it was team A against team B instead of one united support group. All of the older moms were bitter, naysaying and rolling their eyes at the mention of any intervention that was not just ST, OT or ABA. Was this a debate or a "support" group?
While I understand that perhaps 20 years ago a lot of these intervention were not available, what good do they really do by being so negative and giving "knowitall" smirks to these newer moms or toddlers? Yikes! I was furious!
I left to pick up my son from therapy and as luck would have it I ran into the mom that had gotten the grunt of the bitterness. I was so happy! I walked up to her as she loaded her toddler in the car and said "Listen, I just wanted ot mention that you have to find what is right for you and your daughter. Don't let these older moms discourage you from trying different things. What works for me might not work for you so you have to find the formula that is right for you and you only. I noticed that they were all trying to sway you otherwise. I am sorry I was not able to jump in sooner". She looked at me, paused, and said while starting to tear up " I am SO glad you are telling me this. I left there feeling so down. I felt like they were mocking and making fun of me. I was just planning on picking up my daughter and crying on my way home!"
Just then, I instinctly hugged her and told her it would be alright, to stay strong and keep looking forward. I told her she was doing amazing! Shoot, I wish my son would have been in ABA at 2!
So here we are again, talking about the parent wars for a second time on my blog. Why? My goodness, I could never look at a parent of an ASD child and tell them not to try something or that they are wasting their time! I hope that if my son reaches his teens still with an ASD diagnosis that I am not bitter like these women were towards other moms. I know there are kids who have recovered doing stuff I am doing with my child already and I still encourage others to try it because of it. So, it did not work for me, why would I discourage others not to do so? I just don't get it.
There is something seriously wrong with people in our community. We need to stand united people! Cut the crap!
5 comments:
I couldn't agree more! You said it! I have talked with lots of parents of kids who have recovered or close to it, and most of them do biomed. I've seen it work in my child, but I also know it doesn't always work in every child! Good grief, these moms should know better, but like you said, bitterness may have got the best of them. So annoying when people chose to act that way!
Totally agree...I'm sooo sick of the anti-bio-meds vs. the bio-med mommies. Fine, we don't have to agree on everything but don't bash us for trying "alternative" therapies that HAVE worked for other kids and might just work for ours. I am willing to try just about anything (as long as it is not dangerous and I can afford it) to help my son have a better quality of life...is that such a crime?!! What's that famous line?..."can't we all just get along?"
It's sad to have to watch what you say in groups - even the autism group here is divided. I have been called one of those "weirdo parents" who do biomed. As if my DAN doc is a witchdoctor.
I suppose in the end, fear is at the basis of this. The unknown. I don't want to be bitter, either. I also don't want to come from a place of desperation.
It's just a tough balance and you give support where you can, just like you did today.
I think we need to start our own coffee group!
I've never been able to go to the one you did, but I am really saddened to see how it turned out. Interesting that it broke down along the lines of moms with older kids vs. those with younger kids.
And getting ABA at age 2 is great. How could anyone not be in support of that? I am glad you were able to catch the one young mom afterwards.
Katherine
Yes, I hear you. I think that when a kid is 15 and early intervention is not an option, these mom's have to have a different mental picture of the whole thing. They know that it is not fair that they don't get to have that shining beacon of hope that keeps many of us biomed moms going. Even if our kids are not recovered, we see the benefits of the treatments that not everyone believes in and it is so strange and frustrating that it isn't accepted knowledge that is taught. When will this stuff be standard so that when a mom who doesn't believe in it & refutes the validity of the treatments, that we may back it up by saying, just talk to your pediatrician, he/she will tell you. I say it will be 3 more years, but not longer that that as every day I seem to read more articles talking about the "environmental" issues that affect, if not cause, autism. The mom division thing is stressful too with the different functioning levels of our kids.
Post a Comment