Back to the Future

Clifford Exhibit in 2005, Kai, age 3. 

For months, Kai asked for "Clifford Emily Elizabeth Miami Children's Museum." Yes, one long drawn out sentence. He is 11 now and is referring to a Clifford the Big Red Dog exhibit he visited when he was 3. Yes, 3. We have photos of that visit in an album. He has been looking through that album for years. Now that he knows how to somewhat Google things that interest him, he started finding online images of that exhibit. Naturally, I knew an exhibit from 2005 would not still be around now. Except, I was wrong. After redirecting his request for weeks, I researched it myself. Well, waddayaknow! The exhibit was alive and well at the Orlando Science Center. Yes, it's a three-hour drive from home. It's not the end of the world. I paused to think about this a little longer. It is one thing to take a 3-year-old to see a Clifford exhibit and another to take an 11-year-old. I knew what I could be in for. There would probably be lots of new moms, pushing strollers, and staring at my child in horror when he does something "quirky." He would surely seem out of place. Then again, I would be with him and would make sure he did not get into any trouble. Besides, it would make him so happy! I decided to go for it and got to planning our visit right away. 

Don't judge.
I drew it really fast.

Explaining to Kai that visiting Clifford would be a three-hour drive would be challenging. I took a piece of paper and quickly drew up a (bad) version of a Florida map. When asked, Kai can usually answer and say he lives in Florida. The problem for him is taking that concept literally. He doesn't comprehend that Florida is a location and that every place you travel to has a name. I wanted to try and explain it to him anyway. I drew a Mickey Mouse shape to show him who else "lives" in Orlando, Florida. I pointed to South Florida and acted out "driving" up to Orlando for him. He just stared at me. I know "Tarzan" speak is frowned upon by therapists. However, he seems to understand me better when I use fewer words and stick to the point. My explanation sounded something like this: "Monday, Clifford, Driving, Car, (insert engine noise and silly face here- brooom brooom brooom). Clifford lives next to Mickey! Three hours Kai!" He looked at the map, then at me, and then back at the map. Did he get it? I wondered. "Clifford Emily Elizabeth Miami Children's Museum?" he asked. "Yes," I answered, "Monday." He asked at least 25 times a day, for the rest of the week, just to confirm my answer was still the same. I know this was a little crazy. Who in their right mind drives to and from Orlando in one day? Apparently, I would be doing just that. Even though he can request things much better now than before (books, DVDs, games, etc.), there is still a lot we don't know about him and that he can't tell us. When he manages to ask for something out of the ordinary, I love to please him. I like to reinforce his requests in the hopes that he feels encouraged to use more language and interact further. Besides, how can I resist his smile and inquisitive eyes? 

He seemed a little nervous the night before the road trip. He kept asking about Clifford, over and over again. When Monday morning came, he finished his morning routine and was unusually quiet. We got in the car and started our journey. Now, usually, he would ask about Clifford again, every minute, while in the car. Not only did he not ask about it for an hour and a half, but he was also not stimming or scripting during the drive. In case you don't know, stimming is a repetitive, self-stimulating behavior (usually with a body movement). Scripting is basically the same, but instead of physical, it's a verbal stim. Kai will repeat movie lines or phrases nonstop. As I drove, he just sat there calmly and quietly. When I saw the "Welcome to Orlando" sign, I pointed it out to him. That was his cue to ask (the one and only time): "Clifford Emily Elizabeth Miami Children's Museum?", "Yes, we are going to see Clifford but at the Orlando Science Center. Are you excited?" I said. "Yes!" he replied with bright, sparkling, eager eyes. "OK baby, almost there." I smiled knowing that I had made the right decision for him. 

Kai, today, age 11.

We parked and walked to the ticket counter. Of course, the second we walked in, he took off running inside the museum. Those are the times when I miss the stroller days. It was so much easier to control his running away with the stroller. I jetted off after him and redirected him back to the ticket line. The staring began much sooner than I planned it. We purchased the tickets and went straight to the 2nd floor Clifford Exhibit. Finally! He had a grin from ear to ear! He didn't know which way to go first. He ran from one area to the other and then to a new one. My suspicions were right. He loved this! The exhibit looked dated, and some of the features were not even working. It didn't matter though, Kai was so happy! I was also delighted to see that the area was large and open. I wore sneakers and had a backpack. With free hands, I was now ready for anything! For the next three hours, I became his shadow. This is important given how many

kids, under 4, were there. Kai still has a hard time waiting for his turn and asking to share. This is common with kids on the spectrum. It's not because they are brats and not disciplined. They just process things differently. Kai sees things in black and white. If he sees something he wants, he goes to get it. The toy is there, and so is he: what can possibly be the problem? We have had to work hard teaching him to wait and reprogramming his thought process. It still takes a lot of prompting and reminders for him to focus. He is 11 years old. Cognitively, he is perhaps similar to a 4-year-old. He loved the huge movie screen towards the back of the exhibit. Depending on which button he pressed (red, green or yellow), an animated song played. Kai only wanted to touch the yellow button. Throughout the three hours we spent there, I yielded countless kids that wanted a turn at pressing a button too. This is where all that redirecting and prompting came into play the most. I had to keep reminding him to take turns so that other kids had a chance at the buttons as well. As expected, the staring by other parents was present all day long. They stared at Kai mostly when he was happily dancing away to the music. Much like Clifford, he was towering over all the toddlers there. I am happy to say, I tuned other parents out. I would have been rattled by it years ago, but not on this day. Instead, I focused all my energy on Kai and followed his big smile. 

Notice the big screen towards the back of the room?

I made him take a lunch break when I noticed he was becoming repetitive and obsessed with a particular area of the exhibit. This usually means he is overwhelmed and the stimming significantly increases. I had packed his lunch and figured I would buy something for me there. I stood in the Subway line for about 15 seconds. Visions of a half started sandwich by the Subway employee, and me running off to find Kai in the middle of it, took over. I left the line and blew it off. Who needs food anyway? Kai was antsy to get going. He wanted to get back to the exhibits. Had I stayed in line, this could have escalated to that scene I envisioned. He doesn't care to eat much. He never has. He eats because he is obedient. Subsequently, he shoveled his sandwich down his throat, as fast as he could. I remained hungry. After running around all morning though, I enjoyed the stillness of just sitting there. Food or no food. 

With my happy monkey!

Once we completed lunch, we walked back up to the Clifford exhibit. I managed to get him out and explore the rest of the center a little bit too. When it started getting late, I began our countdown.This lets him know it was almost time to go. He responds very well to this technique. "OK Kai, 15 more minutes." I could read the panic on his face, as he studied the area and decided where to spend his precious last minutes. By the time the 2-minute mark neared, he had requested to go "home" on his own. This is his way to have control and closure on the situation. We both walked out towards the parking lot feeling content. He couldn't tell me, of course, but I could see it in his face. Being able to do this for him made me happy. We are lucky to live close enough to Orlando. The three-hour drive, three-hour museum visit, and three-hour drive back were all worth it. He returned to a subdued state on the trip home. Surely, he was replaying it all in his head. 

The drive home went by pretty quickly. I kept stealing glances at my monkey in the rearview mirror. He is so big now and so different than the last time he saw this exhibit. Back in 2005, we were just getting started on this autism journey. I didn't know much and didn't understand what I would be in for. The future was just a fog. We still have a long journey ahead of us, and that fog is still there, but it seems to be lifting, pieces at a time. He has come a long way since then. I can only imagine just how far he will go in another 8 years. Overall, I enjoyed this visit with Clifford then and now. Kai is growing up way too fast and these moments with each other are truly priceless. I look forward to experiencing more of these extraordinary adventures with my monkey. Next time though, I will pack myself a lunch too. By the time I got home, it had been about 10 hours without anything to eat or drink. But, did I mention how cute Kai is? 

Some more from photos from 2005

As happy then as he was this time around