We wanted a brother for Kai since he was two. Things did not pan out just how we dreamed of for a while. Five years later Quinn finally joined our family. It was a long, stressful, and painful journey. What matters now is that Quinn is here and we could not be happier. He is an amazing little boy. His smile lights up our day. Always smiling, always eager to play and learn. He loves his big brother and I cannot wait until I see them play together.
Preparing for Quinn, however, took a lot of effort. I am not talking about a lot of trips to Babies R Us. I am talking about being physically, mentally and environmentally ready for Quinn to join us. Because I already had Kai who has an autism spectrum diagnosis, I had to take as many preparations as possible to ensure that the things I could control were under control: my body and the environment in which Quinn would live. This was important. Kai's blood tests and urine toxic metals test showed elevated levels of mercury, thallium, tin, aluminum, and arsenic. This meant that Kai's body could not naturally detox itself from all of these chemicals we all come into contact with daily. If there was any chance Quinn's would be the same, we were going to take every precaution to make sure his exposure was significantly minimized.
I visited the holistic doctor who was then treating Kai. I tested myself for toxic metals and even did several rounds of chelation. Gasp! My levels were normal or as the doctor put it, I " had as many metals as any human being who had been walking on this earth for thirty-something years had." We slowly changed our way of living to exclude harsh chemicals from our daily lives and got used to doing things differently. We started in the kitchen. We reduced the use of the microwave, stopped storing items in plastic, got rid of aluminum foil, started using glass and wax paper. More importantly, we changed our diet to consist mostly of organic foods. Quinn would have glass bottles, and everything else would be BPA free and free of anything else that would be considered toxic.
We painted his room in a zero VOC Sherwin Williams paint and allowed daily periods to air out anything left in his room by opening the windows. Additionally, we invested in several air purifiers to put in his nursery and throughout the house. His crib was made of solid wood and painted with non-toxic paint. We passed on any area rugs for his room because those tend to be highly toxic to any environment.
Once that was done, we found ALL ORGANIC fitted sheets, crib mattress, swing, bassinet, bassinet sheets and the bassinet mattress! Phew! That was a pain to search for and choose! It's not that we don't want him to live in the real world. He is going to be already exposed to all of the crap in our environment every single day. Why add even more environmental insult to a potential genetic predisposition we can somewhat control?
As for me, I took my prenatal vitamins, avoided ALL fish (no matter just how low the mercury levels were) and stayed as healthy as I could. I had a fantastic pregnancy with no complications and somehow only gained 13 pounds (maybe the extra 10 I had going into this was a factor?).
One of my best friends held a baby shower for us: a gorgeous, glorious green-themed shower and that set the tone. We were now officially ready to meet Quinn. Will he beat the odds and escape autism? I don't know. I do know that I will do my damn very best to try! I will journal his journey in this world. His quest, against all odds.
And I am back...
Not too chipper, but not too somber either.
Here are some updates in our crazy world:
- Had a high school reunion. That was fun, but of course odd with all the questions "Oh your son is 5, he must love sports or this and that huh?" I just went along with it and said he was more of an artsy kind. Which he is! Everyone loved his pictures.
- He had several rough days where his behavior was unpredictable and lots of crying fits..
- Has started with the shoving us and pulling our hair, but does it all with a sweet smile because to him, it's playing. It's not in an aggressive manner. It's more of a curious cause and effect game. If you happen to react too much to it, he will do it more. The key is to somehow let him know it's not OK but in a casual way. Got that ? lol
- Continued with the nose and throat stim
- Endured a grueling blood work session. We took him to the doctor to get blood work for Vit D and IgG allergy testing
He knew something was up the minute we walked into that little room. We used a papoose right away and he was petrified. He screamed "Excuse me, please." I tried not to break down, but finally did. The first vein they tried gave them some blood, but popped. They had to try his hand instead. He screamed so loud I could not hold the tears back. I held his hand the entire time and just said " it's OK, a little longer, mommy is here." Sigh. Of course, the minute we were done he was fine and dandy.
- On a good note, he has been saying some random phrases that I initially thought we were just not hearing right. " It's gonna be OK" and "Not again," the jury is still out on whether they are random or not.
- The other day we tried to get him too look at the Grammy's during the Beatles Cirque du Soleil performance (it's something he typically would enjoy watching). He could not stay still for 2 seconds to even look. I finally lost it and was so upset. Not just at that, but the combination of how I had been feeling this month. He requested to go "potty" so I took him. I was trying not to let him see me cry, but he did. He lifted my chin with his little hand bent down to get a good look at my face. He saw my tears and said "fix it!" lol that's his phrase to well, fix his toys, fix his nails and of course, he wanted mommy to "fix" the tears....such a sweetie! Guess what, that made me cry more! lol I am such a cry baby this month. Geez. We then went back to bed (we co-sleep) and in the dark he would reach out to "check up" on my tears. He would touch my eyes to see if they were still wet..... awwwww!
- But the very very latest is that...wait for it... he got thrown out of his music program! Yup! Anyone that knows him knows he is the sweetest child. Like I mentioned above, even when he is shoving he completely thinks he is playing and does not grasp that people can get hurt. Anyway, it was his fourth session. The first two were great, the third one last week was a little shaky. He was doing his now increased nose/throat stim and completely overwhelmed the so called therapist who could not discipline him. She appeared to be flustered and not able to concentrate enough to get a grip on her big class of 4 STUDENTS! So, this past Saturday he was doing the same stim and as an added bonus was apparently shoving and throwing the guitars. Well, while he might have done those things, he CAN be disciplined which she did not do. My husband and other parents were outside and did not at any point hear her discipline him or even tell him to stop. She just abruptly walked him out of the class by his dangling arm and tossed him to my husband and said " We will speak after class" and walked back inside. My 37 year old husband could not believe this woman! He also refused to be told to stay after school like if he was in 7th grade and left. She later called and said she was afraid for her "well being" LOL! (my barely 40 pound skinny boy) and that he could not be in a group setting. Never mind that she never even asked to work it out with my husband as to a different approach or even having my husband be present in the classroom. Never mind that my son attends regular public school and has never in his 5.5 years had this kind of problem with a teacher. We complained to the supervisors and got a refund or private one on one offered, but we just do not think this woman is the right therapist for him. It's not like he was in an exclusive art school. This is a center for kids with autism. My child is not even severe! What would she do in a severe kind of setting? Urgh!
- In any case, he has been much calmer the last 4 days or so and much more verbal. We are wondering if it's the added use of the AUTHIA cream we are using daily. Like with everything, it's just a guessing game. We simply do not know.
- Not sure if I mentioned this already, but we also got rid of all aluminum foil for his cooking and no more microwave use either. We heat everything in the toaster over or stove top the old school way. I was reading about it on this book called "Dylan's Story" (which was a good read btw). I learned a lot and plan on putting some of those theories to good use. My husband and I have also stopped wearing perfume inside the house. We take it with us and spray it outside. Here's hoping every little bit helps.
That's it for us now.
In the words of my fave Scarlett O'Hara
" After all ... tomorrow is another day."
