It's been a while...

and it has certainly been interesting.

I will start with the bigger news. We are officially cheating on our doctor with another doctor. GASP! Yup! Well, I have needs you know? But seriously, I have not completely left our original doctor. I just want to see what else is out there and get other opinions.

We noticed that he was just acting out like he does when he has a yeast flare-up. A lot of stimming and new things that have been driving us insane. The good thing about all of this is that he does continue to show signs of improvement. All the bad we complain about is the stimming.

The new/returning stims: well there is some random hand flicking when excited which he has never had before, ear covering, heavy scripting, and lots of crashing into things.

So we took him to see the new doc. He reorganized our current supplements. Took away four, but left the rest and replaced some (like his probiotics). She also upped his B12 dosage. I never even thought about that! Of course, that needed to be done. It has been three years! You would think doctor # 1 would have done that! He had to do the dreaded blood, stool and urine tests. We have not gone in for the results. We go in next Monday, so we will see what she says, but this is too much.

He had been off the probiotics for three days to take the stool test, and that just sent him off the wall. That's when it got worse. He got better once he got back on the probiotics, but to see him flip out was not fun.

In other news, my little monkey has started 1st grade. The poor thing is in school until 1:45pm at which point I drive him to ABA therapy until 4:15. By the time we get home, he has about four hours to bathe, have dinner and play. He has been exhausted. But, he is learning a lot. He knows my name, daddy's name, his school, city, state, grade. He is beginning to answer questions too. All of that is helping a lot with his daily verbal skills.

He is appropriately saying "I'm sorry" which is the cutest thing ever except he goes right back to doing what he was "sorry" for.....lol he'll get it eventually, no?

Took him to see Disney on Ice last week, and he enjoyed the part with Ariel because of all of the ocean reference. Behaved pretty well.

That's it for now...more to come.

Update on us

Grunts? I will take them.

It seems my little monkey is truly trying to communicate with us more than ever before. When disciplining him it goes something like this:

Me: Don't touch

Him: (Insert grunt here)

Me: I said don't touch the _________

Him: (Insert more grunts here)

and so on.

It's annoying, but very cute that he is trying to "answer." He just can't find the words.

We have recently given him "I am sorry" and "OK mommy" to work with. He already picked up "I am sorry" or like he says "A- sorr."

There is continued progress in slooooooooooooooooooooow teeny steps.

He has also been saying "Are you OK?" instead of "I am not OK" It's his FIRST ever attempt to tell us something is wrong. Therefore he says "Are you OK?" and we reply "Are YOU OK?" and then there is silence, but at least we now know when something hurts or is wrong.

He actually had a fever on Tuesday morning and he told us in the middle of the night with his "Are you OK" phrase. He stayed home from school today and he was doing his "nose" stimming  Then he said "Are you OK? Ears!" so that's some progress, right? In the past, he has complained about his ears, but each time we take him there is no ear infection. I'm not sure what is going on there. Hmmmm...

In another improvement as of late, he is now drinking completely from cups without any prompting! Such a simple thing that took so long to master.

I am anxiously awaiting for summer to begin to start his 20hr ABA weeks. I have high expectations from this, being that 10K will be going out the window. :( It is the most expensive therapy yet!

We took away all soy! The only thing remaining now is soy lecithin. That's it! Soon we will find a nice recipe for air; there is not much more left!

Oh and this is the best one: He can now draw a happy face! Yup! He says:

"Circle, 2 eyes, nose, and a happy face (smile), ears and hair!"

They have been teaching him at school. I asked him to draw a circle and he drew the happy face and I could not believe it!

So, all in all, it's been going good. Still very slow and have not found our miracle but I will take anything that comes our way!

Fix it...

And I am back...


Not too chipper, but not too somber either.

Here are some updates in our crazy world:

- Had a high school reunion. That was fun, but of course odd with all the questions "Oh your son is 5, he must love sports or this and that huh?" I just went along with it and said he was more of an artsy kind. Which he is! Everyone loved his pictures.

- He had several rough days where his behavior was unpredictable and lots of crying fits..

- Has started with the shoving us and pulling our hair, but does it all with a sweet smile because to him, it's playing. It's not in an aggressive manner. It's more of a curious cause and effect game. If you happen to react too much to it, he will do it more. The key is to somehow let him know it's not OK but in a casual way. Got that ? lol

- Continued with the nose and throat stim

- Endured a grueling blood work session. We took him to the doctor to get blood work for Vit D and IgG allergy testing

He knew something was up the minute we walked into that little room. We used a papoose right away and he was petrified. He screamed "Excuse me, please." I tried not to break down, but finally did. The first vein they tried gave them some blood, but popped. They had to try his hand instead. He screamed so loud I could not hold the tears back. I held his hand the entire time and just said " it's OK, a little longer, mommy is here." Sigh. Of course, the minute we were done he was fine and dandy.

- On a good note, he has been saying some random phrases that I initially thought we were just not hearing right. " It's gonna be OK" and "Not again," the jury is still out on whether they are random or not.

- The other day we tried to get him too look at the Grammy's during the Beatles Cirque du Soleil performance (it's something he typically would enjoy watching). He could not stay still for 2 seconds to even look. I finally lost it and was so upset. Not just at that, but the combination of how I had been feeling this month. He requested to go "potty" so I took him. I was trying not to let him see me cry, but he did. He lifted my chin with his little hand bent down to get a good look at my face. He saw my tears and said "fix it!" lol that's his phrase to well, fix his toys, fix his nails and of course, he wanted mommy to "fix" the tears....such a sweetie! Guess what, that made me cry more! lol I am such a cry baby this month. Geez. We then went back to bed (we co-sleep) and in the dark he would reach out to "check up" on my tears. He would touch my eyes to see if they were still wet..... awwwww!

- But the very very latest is that...wait for it... he got thrown out of his music program! Yup! Anyone that knows him knows he is the sweetest child. Like I mentioned above, even when he is shoving he completely thinks he is playing and does not grasp that people can get hurt. Anyway, it was his fourth session. The first two were great, the third one last week was a little shaky. He was doing his now increased nose/throat stim and completely overwhelmed the so called therapist who could not discipline him. She appeared to be flustered and not able to concentrate enough to get a grip on her big class of 4 STUDENTS! So, this past Saturday he was doing the same stim and as an added bonus was apparently shoving and throwing the guitars. Well, while he might have done those things, he CAN be disciplined which she did not do. My husband and other parents were outside and did not at any point hear her discipline him or even tell him to stop. She just abruptly walked him out of the class by his dangling arm and tossed him to my husband and said " We will speak after class" and walked back inside. My 37 year old husband could not believe this woman! He also refused to be told to stay after school like if he was in 7th grade and left. She later called and said she was afraid for her "well being" LOL! (my barely 40 pound skinny boy) and that he could not be in a group setting. Never mind that she never even asked to work it out with my husband as to a different approach or even having my husband be present in the classroom. Never mind that my son attends regular public school and has never in his 5.5 years had this kind of problem with a teacher. We complained to the supervisors and got a refund or private one on one offered, but we just do not think this woman is the right therapist for him. It's not like he was in an exclusive art school. This is a center for kids with autism. My child is not even severe! What would she do in a severe kind of setting? Urgh!

- In any case, he has been much calmer the last 4 days or so and much more verbal. We are wondering if it's the added use of the AUTHIA cream we are using daily. Like with everything, it's just a guessing game. We simply do not know.

- Not sure if I mentioned this already, but we also got rid of all aluminum foil for his cooking and no more microwave use either. We heat everything in the toaster over or stove top the old school way. I was reading about it on this book called "Dylan's Story" (which was a good read btw). I learned a lot and plan on putting some of those theories to good use. My husband and I have also stopped wearing perfume inside the house. We take it with us and spray it outside. Here's hoping every little bit helps.



That's it for us now.

In the words of my fave Scarlett O'Hara
" After all ... tomorrow is another day."

Autism Sucks

I am sad and angry today.

I have been all week.

It's here again. The depression stage that I had successfully kicked to the curve last fall.

For the last couple of weeks, he has hit a plateau. In fact, now the stimming has increased. When stimming increases I am reminded more than ever about the A word: Autism. I find it is possible to forget about it a bit when the stimming is not there.

He has increased the nose snort thing he does along with the throat one he does. In addition, he has started to shove and throw things high into the air. Things like toys, shoes, balls, etc.....

Exactly one week ago we set out for Disney. Me, the big Disney fan, was actually stupidly hopeful it would be heavenly. While some good did come out of it, it was mainly a miserable experience. The good was OK, but the bad was baaaaaaaaaaaaad. While watching the "Dreams Can Come True" show in front of the castle, I almost left in full tears and with a nervous breakdown. My son wanted nothing to do with it and it was almost the end of the trip already. He insisted in shutting his eyes and not looking up as he covered his ears and hummed. My mom bickered with my husband and while all of this was happening the cast was making the audience chant "Dreams can come true, dreams can come true" over and over. I could not help but look up at the stage and wish they would all shut up and go away. As I watched the audience under the "magic of Disney" spell, I felt so stupid standing there while everyone chanted. Here I am looking at my son who wants nothing to do with the show and is stimming like crazy. What dream? Certainly not mine! My dream is far from coming true. This was more like a bad dream. I fixed my eyes on the top of the castle and tried to tune it all out and waited for the happy ending of the darn show. I could not walk out. We were in the middle, front section and impossible to leave out of it. I fought back the tears hard. But, enough about Disney, that's a whole other post. Just sharing why today I am feeling sad.

This post is about the rest of the week when we got back from Orlando.

On Monday we went to see our holistic doctor. We were escorted into the tiny room and the doctor came in a half hour later. While he reviewed where we last left off last August, my son stormed through the closet sized room which already contained 3 adults, a TV and some toys. Things were flying and stimming was high as he climbed the sofa and just created a lot of chaos. I was glad so that the doctor saw how he can be, but I was mortified that he was being this hyper. He really isn't really like this usually. 

After the 40 minute consult was over I felt like I had run a marathon. I was completely beat. $200.00 for the consult and about $300.00 in blood tests (to be done soon), and a urine toxic metals test (to be done soon). I wanted to run out! All that money and he was still so far from recovered.

I went home feeling very down.

That same night, well really the next morning at about 1:50am our son woke up crying hysterically. He can't explain what he was feeling, but in a sleepy, whiny, crying voice he was saying "ear!" and "mouth!". I thought that perhaps he was losing a tooth and it hurt. I also thought he might have an ear infection, though it has been years since the last one. This went on for what felt like forever, but it was really about an hour. I called the peds office completely anticipating it would not help. My husband in the mean time wanted me to give him Tylenol. I refused because of the reports on decreased glutathione linked with Tylenol. He then used this time to mock our "natural" approach to our son and said "well, what do we give him then". The sad answer was "I don't know."

The nurse on call, called back. She interrogated me forever and then said Motrin and cold compresses to the ear. My husband left to buy Motrin and I attempted the cold compress with no success. He fought me off. Sigh. Finally, my husband brought the Motrin back and with that, he went back to sleep in about 10 minutes.

I left him home from school the next day worried and took him to the doctor's office to get checked out. He barely complained . Just said "ear" a couple of times, but was in a good mood. Here is the story from the pediatrician's office.

I had a 10:30am appointment, I made sure and walked in at 10:30am to avoid the prolonged waiting. In the lobby as we waited, there was a little girl who was about 4 and her little 2 year old brother. They took an instant liking to my son, unfortunately. They kept asking him questions which he would, of course, ignore and stay silent doing his own thing. The little girl came up and asked "What is his name?" and "Does he talk?" I told her his name and said he spoke a little bit. The little boy started getting upset that he would not answer back. Finally, out of frustration he said "Hey! what's wrong with you punk head?" I swear he said this. A 2 year old. He then proceeded to follow my son around screaming "What's wrong with you?" Emotionally, I did not want to bring the autism card out to the kids mother and get into it. I just did not want to talk about it. I rather let her think whatever she wanted and leave it at that. I redirected my son as the little 2 year old boy kept harassing my 5 year old. The office is usually good about appointments. At 11:00am I finally walked inside uninvited and asked how much longer they would be. My son was starting to get really hyper, jumping off off things and, in addition, there was this situation with the little boy. They said that because I was a same day appointment it could be another 45 minutes. As usual, I failed to keep my cool and burst into tears. I hate when I do that. I told them to cancel my appointment, that I could not wait outside with my son. I stormed out. I then thought about it and walked back in. I told them that I was not being ungrateful or impatient, but that my son has autism and he could not stand to wait yet another 45 minutes. Luckily my son had to go potty and while I took him, my mom pleaded our case with them. By the time I came out, they called us in, put us ahead of everyone and the pediatrician saw our son. No ear infection, nothing wrong with him. He gave the ped a hard time while he examined him, but we were out in about 15 minutes.

I walked up to the reception desk and I thanked the girls. I told them that this meant a lot and that they have no idea how much it helped. Before I could continue to thank them, I turned and caught my son right when he shoved a little toddler down to the floor. I rushed over there, picked up the toddler and apologized to him and apologized to the mom. The mom gave me the death look and I made my son say "I'm sorry" to the toddler. But you know, it was more echolalia than anything. He had no idea that what he did was wrong. So, I took my son by the hand, said another thank you as I walked out with the toddler still screaming in the background.

I wanted to disappear.

I cried on my way home. Shocker. It had been 6 continuous days of this, of autism all the time, day and night! It's never going to stop is it? I mean, I am pretty resilient. Yes, I am a crier, but I get over things pretty quickly and move on. They are usually bad at the moment and then I can focus again. But this? This has been wearing me out completely. I might do another posting soon while happy and chipper, but not today. Today I am mad. I am angry.

The best part of this story comes from the reports from school yesterday and today of increased stimming, shoe throwing, and whining. Nice.

If I lived in a bubble, everything would be just fine. We have our routine, our son is usually happy and we live. But when put in the very real day to day situations and with other kids, things suck. I am tired of explaining my child's behavior and of pulling out the autism card. There is no price on the health of your child. There just isn't. I am living with an incredibly cute and happy child who is in his own world. I mean, even a blind or deaf child can have a conversation with you and tell you how they feel. That they are hungry or that, hey, I really like it when I wear that red shirt. It is sad when you are put into that situation of analyzing how much worse it could be or how someone else's misfortune might be better than yours, but it's reality.

I am pissed off at the world today. I don't understand kids suffering. Why? What good does it do? Is God trying to teach me some sort of lesson, because really I am not getting it and if anything, it's making me into an ugly version of myself. I don't feel like looking at "on the bright side" today.

I want to scream at the Disney show creators for making the audience chant "dreams can come true." B.S. well, I take that back, I guess they can for some people, just not for me. Why does my little boy have to go through this? Why do any kids have to go through anything remotely cruel?

This is me venting. Take it as it is: one really sad and angry mom.

No, excuse you!

My son has autism.

Kids with autism do random things.

It is what it is.

I was at my son's speech therapy center, not Chuckie Cheese or Gymboree. 

My son happened to be in a very good mood today. This means very hyper and friendly. This also means going up to strangers and giving them hugs and getting really up close in their face to look at them. It's called, stimming.

While waiting, he was all over the place: climbing on chairs, going up to people, smiling, and having a good ole time. He saw a woman with a stroller as she is attempted to exit the room. He ran over there before I had a chance to jet out of my chair, and jammed himself between the door and the stroller.

Clearly he wanted to purposely annoy this woman right? He purposely wanted to be a pain. Not the case, but you would have thunk it by the way this mom reacted. She started screaming. Screaming! As if my son had hurt her daughter! Meanwhile he smiled and tried to get a good look at the cute little girl in the stroller who is saying "hiiiiiiiii." "ExCUUUUSe me, ExCUUUUSe me" screamed the mom several times. This was all a matter of seconds, but I made it as she was pushing her stroller out the door at any cost and all I could manage was a trailing " He DOESN'T understand" as she fumed off rolling her eyes.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, my son innocently wanted to take a look at your little girl. Sorry he did such a horrible thing. Saying "excuse me" to a boy with autism is going to make him say "Oh shoot, yes, of course, what was I thinking running into you?" Really. Yeah, that works.

A half hour went by and my son happily came out of speech therapy. As I finished getting the details of his session from his teacher he ran to another little girl. This one a little older than him. She was in a wheelchair. I ran behind him but he is just so much faster than I. He tried to touch her eyes and succeeded. He was not hurting her, just touching her eyes. Is it the right thing to do? No. Is it a pleasant thing to feel someone do to you? Not really. Is it a devilish thing to do? I don't think so. Not if the "attacker" weighs no more than 40 pounds and has the biggest smile on his face as he says "baby" which is what he calls all little kids. I sternly called out to him to not touch but not before the girl's father gave him round 2 of "Excuse me! Excuse me!" After I took my son's hands away, apologized to the man and told my son "Do not touch" I turned around to the father and managed to say "He does not know not to touch. He does not understand it." He also rolled his eyes and continued talking to the woman next to him as I walked away.

Once in the car I fumed at both of these incidents. I understand this man was upset at the world. I have been there. I have plenty of bad days, but screaming at a little boy at a center where it is obvious every single child has some kind of issue is just ridiculous to me. I would never do such a thing. In this center out of all places, I am the most accepting, embracing and understanding person to all the kids I encounter. My heart always breaks when I see them walk through those doors. Why? Because like I said, it's not Gymboree or Chuckie Cheese. They are not there for fun. They are there because of a problem (s).

I cannot tell you how many times kids have come up to my son to take away his toy or to do something similar. It is what it is, it is what some do. I have never screamed at them. In fact, before I even direct any words to the other kids I look for the parent who I am sure is running huffing and puffing behind them. When that's not the case then with a smile and in a non-accusing way, I reposition my son or retrieve the toy and say something like " no no" or "you want to play?" If a parent apologizes I simply say "don't worry about it". That's it. No drama, no screaming, no nastiness. Is that so hard?

In hindsight, I wish I could have said to both "No, exCUUUUSE You! Excuse you for not understanding that he did not mean to overstep his boundaries, that if he is doing such an odd thing and is at a center that is mainly for autism, then it must be because he has autism or something wrong with him. Excuse you for not seeing that I was right behind him and not hiding behind a magazine ignoring his behavior. Instead I was rushing behind him to make sure everything would be OK. "

Come on now.

10 steps forward, 2 steps back?

So much has happened since my last post! In a nutshell:


-  MRI came back normal (of course it did)

-  I now LOVE my son's teacher. Boy was I wrong. I admit it. This woman has been an angel in our lives. She cares so much. You can tell she goes home and is always thinking of the kids and what else she can do. Always reading and coming up with new ideas and projects. I will be forever grateful.

-  Some verbal gains in request form. Still no conversation. Requested Cliclitown Heroes, Doodle'bugs' lol, LililiEinsteins all shows he had no idea I had taped for him, but read the titles in the DVR taped list and requested them.

- Has been doing fabulously in reading sight words.

- Speech Eval came back, went to the insurance department and now it's sitting in the "scheduling department" before they call me...so that he can start speech at the new center.

- Contacted the school's speech therapist who had not contacted me since school started and have now begun to get regular updates.

- The return of more ear covering, humming and some tantrums. Not sure what to blame this one on yet.

- Sent in a form to begin process for Auditory Integration Therapy.

- Had a long discussion last night with my father in law and his wife as to why he eats what he eats and how he eats it. They seem to think it's really easy to get him to eat everything. I hate those conversations. They also think it's not rocket science to potty train him. Well then, come on over buddy. You do it. :( grrrrrrrrrrrr

- Had an IEP meeting this morning which went smoothly. Most of the things my son is learning are out of the IEP, but stem from the actual "goals" if that makes sense. I would say that this year, IEP or no IEP, he is getting a lot from his teachers. Luckily.

That's pretty much our update. We have had a rollercoaster year, but all in all we seem to be in better spirits lately and might be finding that light at the end of the tunnel I had lost some time ago. This year has been really tough on us. I have high hopes for this coming year!


Deep breath.

More evidence of harm?

Tuesday night.

A quiet weekday night out on the town. My husband and I decided to go to dinner with my FIL and my son. It had been a tough day thanks to the incident I described in my last post.

We headed to the local J. Alexander's restaurant. It is a small restaurant that holds a maximum occupancy of about 200. It was busy, but not full to capacity last night.

While having dinner I noticed a mom struggling with her son on her way to the bathroom. He was about 10 years old or so.The boy was stimming, arms flapping and throat sounds and resisting her redirection. AUTISM.

About 20 minutes later the large party sitting next to us got up to leave. Another boy around the same age jumps from his chair to the floor, where he giggled uncontrollably, arms retracted and in his own world. His shirt read "The Victory School" (a local autism school). AUTISM.

I glanced at my son, 5, who was in his own world watching Clifford on DVD while we dined. AUTISM. He glanced back up at me, sweetly smiled and went back to his DVD.

1 in 150 kids have autism and about 1 in 94 boys (mol) are part of that group. I saw 3 in a time span of about 40 minutes in one place alone. What are those odds?

But no, there is no autism epidemic right?

Ah, the joys of family vacations...

Three hours to pack! I admit, I'm a girly girl and did pack a zillion things, but the three hours of packing was not my stuff...it was mostly my son's!

I requested a microwave and fridge for the room. In addition, I took the toaster oven to make sure all of my son's food was prepared and ready to go as needed. I took his morning cereal and bowl, soy milk, plastic cutlery, disposable plates, ziploc bags, aluminum foil for the toaster oven, endless bags of his GFCF pretzels, cookies, fruit compotes, tapioca bread, peanut butter, tater tots, chicken nuggets, waffles and vegan cheese. Also his lunch box, thermos, sippy cup and a 24 pack of purified bottled water. Most importantly, all his supplements had to go on the trip as well. One big cooler full of ice for all the cold items went on vacay as well. My son's diet is limited to these items as of right now. It's all he will eat and it's all GFCF No, we were not moving in, I swear!

We timed the drive there so that he would nap in the car. It was really only a 1.5 hour drive and he only napped for the last half hour. Luckily, the lack of sleep did not really hurt him later. He jumped on the bed the minute we walked into the room and had a blast doing so. We don't mind either. He gets such a huge smile on his face!

We had to take a tram to reach the beach. This meant WAITING in line. He was a little antsy, but the tram came fairly fast with no chance to really have a meltdown. We spent the afternoon on the beach watching the sunset. Beautiful.


He insisted in going into the water and did so up to his waist! Of course, once he was over it, he wanted "all done with pants" (even though he was wearing shorts) and we could not take it off because my hubby had taken his diaper off and forgotten to put something else on him. (Have I mentioned he is not yet potty trained? He won't go while wearing clothes, which is good and an improvement from before, but not potty trained yet.)



He stayed in his wet shorts and we waited for the tram to take us back. This time, it took a good 15 minutes which in autism world means 30 minutes or more. He kept pulling our hands and saying "bye bye." We did explain what was going on, but he didn't understand. Have you ever spoken English to someone who does not speak the language? Yeah, that's how it goes except he also cannot comprehend or reason. How is that for fun?

Once again, right before a meltdown happened, the tram magically appeared and all was back to normal. Phew, dodged that bullet. Back to the room for family dinner. Decided to order in and relax this night.

The next morning we also had breakfast in and then headed to the pool. My son, who we lovingly nickname Nemo because of his love of swimming, wasted no time and went right into the pool with my husband. The pool was still not getting sun and still quite cold, but he did not care. My husband had the good idea to take him on the hotel slide with him. That spooked him and now he did not want to come near us in fear we would attempt to take him on again. It was fun spending an hour trying to rebuild the trust that, hey, we just might not be after him for that. Spent most of the day switching on and off with my husband going into the pool with him. In the back of my head I kept fearing any additional stimming and behavior that all of the excessive pool chlorine would cause. But tried hard to have a relaxing time in spite of constant reminders that we are just not that "normal" of a family.

For instance, it was not fun when my son playfully splashed water at a girl twice his size and shoved a little boy. In his world, this was his way to interact with them. He did it all with a proud smile on his face. Not one mean bone in his body. We ran to the rescue, had him apologize to the kids and showed him (attempted to anyway) the proper way to interact with them. Luckily, the kids were sweet and patiently sat back as he did all these things. He would repeatedly attempt to get near the slide landing to feel the water as it rippled, which of course is dangerous. My husband had to keep swimming in to fish him away from there. This was over and over, all afternoon. There was a piña colada for my husband and I somewhere in there. We still attempted to get some sun and get into the tropical vibe. Called it a day late in the afternoon and headed back to the room for baths. I put my son down for his nap and my husband escaped for a massage while I showered.

Once my husband got back, I prepared dinner for my son in the room and then we headed out for our dinner. Found a really cool restaurant which is Italian and sushi bar all at once! Walked in and panicked when we realized there was live music. My son loves to hum and hold his ears when this is the case. We figured we would try it anyway.The host said our son was "the cutest thing she had ever seen." I think so ;) Of course it helped he was wearing his "Sorry girls, I only date models" tee. They walked us to a perfect table: by a window, away from the main dining room and near a wall with a plug on it. This way my son could look out the window, be as loud as he wanted without disrupting anyone and we could plug in his DVD player without the fear that the battery would die. Yeah us. As usual, we delayed bringing out the DVD player as an exercise of patience for him. He sat without holding his ears! This was great. He alternated between sitting and bopping his head to the music and looking out the window. He did good and perhaps the longest he has gone without flipping out. Once the food arrived, we finally took out the DVD player and it was heaven. He was able to focus by having the DVD player there with him. Sort of like his crutch. To our surprise, he kept dancing in his seat. He did it even to Brown Eyed Girl. Woohoo! Had an amazing dinner overall complete with wine, dessert and coffee! Left back to the hotel where my son ran around the lobby having a jolly ol' time.

The next day we did our morning routine. We packed and headed downstairs to catch the  tram to the beach. We got our chairs and hung out most of the day. It was a beautiful day. We alternated between being in the water and out. My son was too tired at times and would sit and lounge on the chairs just like us. We could not interest him in his bucket and pail but we kept trying repeatedly. It was a picture perfect day all around until it was time to leave. We walked to pick up the tram back to the hotel and there were about 20 people in front of us. As is customary with some autistic children, routine is huge. My son was now used to walking, picking up the tram right away and leaving. Not today. There was a long, 
hot wait. After he realized we were just standing there, he started to throw his head back in full screams, tears and even some kicking. I attempted to kneel down to eye level and explain in brief that the "choo choo" was coming and that we had to "wait." The more I attempted to explain, the louder he screamed, so we let him. We stood there poker faced while he went insane. I refused to walk away and show him that by doing that he got to step out of the line. Of course, I am sure everyone in line hated us. To our surprise, the family in front of us with two kids around the same age as our son used our situation to explain to their kids that this is how "they" look when they tantrum. LOL Made us feel like we had someone who understood. And their kids were typical! It was finally out turn. Like an automatic switch, the minute he saw the tram he smiled and was an instant angel. Phew! Got back to the room, where we did had his bath routine and then naps for all.

My turn for the massage this time. Very well timed I should add. I ran there, well not really but I wanted to. I walked to the spa and had a deep tissue massage and a pedicure. Heaven! I did not want to leave. They pretty much threw me out because it was closing time. So long peace! I felt rejuvenated and ready for the rest of our trip.I walked back in and my husband had fed our son dinner. Wow! This was great! We changed and headed out for us to have dinner. I wish we could do joint meals, but it's too hard with our son's diet. We found an Outback Steakhouse and had another nice experience. Other than him standing up in our booth a bunch of times, it was nice. I am thinking the key is to go to loud restaurants. Seems to work out good for us. It's so sad when the waitresses always offer us kiddie sippy cups, crayons and coloring pages. We always take them and attempt to use them with our son, but he doesn't care for it yet and certainly does not drink out of a straw.

We went back to the hotel after dinner and off to bed shortly after packing for the next day. At about 4am our son decided to get up and sing and dance. I guess he didn't get the vacation memo...sigh.....he was having the time of his life too! He finally nodded back to sleep again and woke up at 9ish. Yes! We managed to sleep some. Eventually we headed down to the pool again and had a small breakfast there. He was not as into the pool this time around so we decided to just leave back home. Once home, he picked up on his regular daily routine immediately.

I realize now that it was actually a good getaway. It's just hard to remember this while you are going through it. It's hard to let go and relax and I can only do so in hindsight, you know? I am learning to embrace the experiences rather than fear them. I do it all in the hopes that one day my son can enjoy them and tell me so. Wouldn't that be something?