Light it up BLACK

It is exasperating to know that in just a week or so the media will start spinning and spouting endless tales about AUTISM. Talk shows, the news, and social media will be fired up showing mostly "junk" reporting. Reports that have been passed down but not thoroughly researched. Blaming everything but the environment, pesticides and all the contaminated crappy food we eat. Shows and reports on little Amanda who has autism, but gosh have you seen how pretty she paints? Or Bobby who is just so bright, but who cares if he's 24 and has never told his mother he loves her because, oh yeah, he can't.

I should be happy about it, right? After all, it's awareness for our kids. The truth is, I am sick and tired of awareness. I want action. I want meaningful research. I want the truth to be reported. It's not too much to ask. With the number of kids receiving a diagnosis on a daily basis surpassing that of pediatric cancer, aids, and diabetes alone you would think the urgency would be palpable. It's not.

Autism Speaks (in yet another useless move that leads us nowhere) asking everyone to LIGHT IT UP BLUE to CELEBRATE simply makes my blood boil. These structures will be participating:  

CN Tower Toronto CA
Bahrain World Trade Center, Manama,
Al Faisaliyah Center, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia,
Cairo Tower, Cairo, Egypt
Palacio de Bellas Artes, Mexico City
Big Brothers Big Sisters Building Grand Center, St
Paris Stock Exchange, France.
Al Anoud Tower , Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Terminal Tower, Cleveland OH
Kingdom Tower, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Empire State Building, NY
Christ the Redeemer, Brazil
Great Buddha at Hyogo, Kobe, Japan
Rockefeller Center and Top of the Rock Observation Deck™, NY
Sydney Opera House, Australia
Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
Canton Tower, Guangzhou, China
Kobe Port Tower, Japan
Hungarian Parliament Building, Budapest, Hungary
New York Stock Exchange, NY

Now imagine for a second that all of the money it took to coordinate this and all of the money it will take to get these structures to light up and stay lit was instead put towards meaningful research or to pay kids therapy and treatment. Now THAT is something to talk about. 

It is absurd that the only thing Autism Speaks can latch on to is "awareness." It's one of the very few things they successfully promote. How is a company so powerful dropping the ball with all the millions they have to work with? We are aware. What happens now? Annoyed by the parents complaining about research? 
Then do some meaningful ones and shut us up. 

I want to make it clear that I do not resent those thousands of parents and even local parents and friends who dedicate their time to AS. I get it. I know many of you. You are trying to do something meaningful. You feel at a loss with autism and feel this is the best way to give it all you have and make a difference. I was there. Gasp! Yes, even I participated and once upon a time even raised money for AS. Luckily I was enlightened as to how little of our money ends up where it's supposed to. I am sick to my stomach that I ever did.

There was a study done that showed that "Mothers of Children with Autism have higher parental stress, psychological distress." It was CO-AUTHORED by Geraldine Dawson who is now the chief science officer of Autism Speaks. Well, no shit. Yes, I am stressed damn it! You are spending our money to prove something we already know? Lighting it up blue amongst campaigns showing children with autism who are happy and smiling will not do anything. How about putting the photo of a 15-year-old in diapers? That's realistic. Or perhaps showing that kid who is a math genius but can't feed himself, comb his hair or even wipe his behind. Lovely isn't it? Let's have them be the poster kids. Let's show the number of kids who were abused this year by teachers because they can't defend themselves. Let's add the stories of restraint and seclusion. Spare me the bullshit and get real.

No, I will not light it up blue. I will light it up BLACK. I will be mourning the precious lives of the children who passed away due to wandering. I will be mourning the precious babies that regressed into autism, but that were born perfectly normal (like my son). I will keep screaming at the top of my lungs that enough is not being done to fight this. 

I want Autism Speaks to stop hiring or consulting with Big Pharma ties as part of their routine. I want AS to put funding towards immunology, toxicology, gastrointestinal, and regression.

On my part, I will talk to as many parents as I can reach. I will tell my story until I am "blue" in the face. I speak to parents about nutrition, therapies, doctors based on all of my experiences in the hopes that other children can perhaps either escape autism or get a huge head start once diagnosed.

For those that have asked about REAL ways to support our fight against autism, my suggestions are as follow:

To donate:

Puzzle Peace Now 

Angels Reach Foundation

D Amor Foundation

National Autism Association

Generation Rescue

TACA

Age of Autism

You can also call up a school or therapy center in your area and ask how you can help. It can be as easy as paper towels or perhaps crayons! Maybe you can donate towards something bigger, but at least you know your money is going straight to the source: our kids!

I am hopeful Autism Speaks changes one day and goes back to its roots and original goals: an organization that was founded by the Wrights for their grandchild. Until then friends, speak up for yourselves!

An autism Christmas...redefined

I could not wait for Kai to be three. That would be the year that I would get to spoil him for Christmas, and he would be able to join in on the fun. That would be the year that he would write Santa a letter and wait anxiously for his gifts. The year in question? 2005.

It's what typical parents do right? I did it too. I spent way too much money at Toys R Us, and once Kai went to sleep, we set up the entire living room with toys. I mean, the ENTIRE living room. There was a drum set, ride on toy, books, ball toys, instruments, electronic toys, DVD's, train set, etc. You get the picture. Never mind that he had just been diagnosed several months before, that he had a thousand and ten red flags, that he was not even close to being able to write a letter to Santa. I had this image in my head that just had to happen. I am really stubborn after all.

This is what happened.
 He walked out of his room ushered by daddy. He quietly took one look at the living room, walked right past it, and ran the opposite direction. He wanted nothing to do with the toys. NOTHING! Did not want to touch them, listen to them, look at them- NOTHING! The more we tried, the more frustrated he got, and the more his behavior would deteriorate. We kept the toys there for several days, and he still paid no attention to them. We put them away, and over the next year he slowly warmed up to them. He was beyond overwhelmed. He had/has autism. I just clearly did not understand it yet. I wanted to force a "typical" event parents celebrate with their kids as if I too, was living the same life. That could not be further from the truth. I had no idea that my life was about to spin so out of control in the months and years to come. This was just a tiny incident in a sea of heartbreaks that would come my way and I was devastated.

2005, what a year.

I cried so much over that failed Christmas and those "after diagnosis" years. Not only was there no Christmas but no celebrations at all. Photos with Santa? Forget it. Birthday celebrations? No way! That means there is singing and blowing out candles or, in his case, failure to blow them! Easter bunny? Ha! Fireworks? Never! Costumes? Not unless it's the loony bin one for me! You get the picture.

The following year I vowed to do as little as possible to celebrate. I now knew that Christmas (birthdays or any holiday at that) was just another day for him. I knew that trying to force it on him would backfire. All he wanted was his usual routine. That is what he expected, and anything new would throw him off for the rest of the day. Most kids with autism find safety in routine and changes are hard to handle. Of course, it's not like me to give up altogether. I just put it on the back burner and tried my best not to let it consume me. The hubby and I would do our Christmas routine as usual and would offer him his gifts. Kai would push them aside, and we would just shrug it off. The toys would stay there until he was ready for them. I would warn anyone offering him a gift not to expect excitement or anything that "typical" kids do towards gifts and especially not to take offense when he ignored the gift.

Several years later, around 2008, we had a small breakthrough. He started to look at the gifts out of the corner of his eye, run towards them, touch them and then run away. He started wondering what gift bags might have in them. In 2009, I came up with a strategy. I numbered all his gifts. I would ask him to bring me # 1, and I would open it for him. I would then repeat the same exercise for all gifts without once forcing him to open the toy or play with it. He did as asked and seemed to find comfort in that process. It prepared him, and he knew what to expect. In 2010, I labeled all his gifts with his name written really big where he could see it. I guided him to find the ones with his name, and again, he seemed to enjoy that. I sat with him, tore the corner of the gift for him initially and had him finish opening it. 
This year, well this year was amazing.

This year something changed. Shortly after his June birthday when he asked about "birthday gifts," he started asking for Christmas gifts. I explained that Christmas was in December, it was still July, and we would also need to have a Christmas tree first. He still didn't fully grasp the concept of days and a calendar. He was so excited when the day finally came to go purchase a tree. He now knew it was December and naturally, Christmas must be very near. The tree went up the day after Thanksgiving. He checked that tree several times a day to make sure he did not miss "the gifts." He asked, and asked, and asked, and asked until he was blue in the face.

Days before Christmas, I sat with him to write a letter to Santa. I had him address it to Santa Mommy. I don't know what his cognitive level will be years from now. I figured I can always have him drop the "Santa" part of the equation to avoid having a 17-year-old asking for Santa, if need be. I prompted the first several things on the list I knew he would like and then he rattled off a couple of things ON HIS OWN to add. I was floored. 

I really thought he was not going to make it until Christmas day. This boy, at nine, was making up for YEARS of not celebrating Christmas in this one year. We celebrated Christmas Eve with some friends and family. We encouraged the kids in attendance (and Kai) to open a couple of gifts before Santa's big delivery the next morning. He was so excited, but it was hard to explain that it was only a preview until the following day and not the real gifts. 

Christmas morning was just a dream. He dove to open all gifts. He played with them one at a time before going on to the next one and truly enjoyed this Christmas like I had wanted him to do that day when he was three in 2005.

I could not stop smiling. I still can't stop. It's not about the material side of asking for things on Christmas. To me, with him, it's about seeing him enjoy a day most children look forward to. A day that I, as a child, enjoyed so much. It's about us being able to finally have a day when we are the typical ones too and not the ones that once again do things differently. A chance to feel normal and relaxed where the only stress is how much you probably should not have spent on this or that. We yearn for that "typicalness." It's really tiring not to be that typical family 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. For once, we were somewhat normal, and it felt great! 

I will never forget Kai's smile and intense focus as he unwrapped each gift. I will always remember how he innocently ran to his room with several of his gifts under his arms, ready to play and he was not even halfway done opening them all yet. The excitement was palpable and contagious. My little boy deserved this day. So much of his childhood has been stolen from him and us, but at that moment, we had it all. I don't know what the future will bring, but my now is pretty darn good when compared to 2005!

I cautiously hope it keeps getting better.

Thank you for reading.
Have a wonderful holiday season and a joyous new year!

Zumba diaries

I love to work out. Yes, I know I used LOVE and WORK OUT in the same sentence. Sometimes I don't feel like it, but I have never regretted getting off my butt and doing it.

Last week I had a rough day. It was one of those days where everything just went wrong. It wasn't about what went wrong per se, but that so much went wrong at the same time on the same day. By the time 5pm came, I had to decide if I was going to change and go to my usual Zumba class. If you are not familiar with Zumba, I will explain it quickly. It is a high energy, fast moving, dance class where you move to all sorts of Latin rhythms or what I call happy music.

It's hard to muster up the energy to take that class when you feel nothing that resembles happy and even less when you are downright miserable.

Let me rewind a bit. Last month while at my Zumba class and while on a typical, happy day for me, I had a conversation with a friend from class. She was so excited. Her son (my age) had come to visit her. She gushed as to how happy it made her to spend such quality time with him and how proud she was of him and his new business. How he was dating this new fantastic girl, and they would probably be married soon.  I was really enjoying the story. I was reeeeeeeeeally feeling her excitement. I am very sensitive to what others are feeling and can often feel it when they are standing close to me (I know, weird....but I digress). This was during a dance break. When she turned around to start dancing again, I was still smiling just so very happy for her. Then it hit me. I am NEVER going to have that with Kai. Don't know yet if I will with Quinn either. At best, Kai will be 40 and maybe begin to be phasing off his Mickey Mouse stage and moving on to Star Wars or other more appropriate "boy" categories I am not yet familiar with. He will probably be living with me. Will probably never get married. I will probably never have grandchildren.

It's not that I have not thought of this before, but it's that it just all hit me at that moment. Everything that autism has and will steal from me was playing in my head like a bad movie. Music started playing, and I had to fight back the tears. To make matters worse, this was the song playing:





It is a BACHATA version of "Stand by me." I actually don't really enjoy bachata. It's my least favorite style from my classes, but it was the song that affected me. I followed my adorable peppy instructor, but I had tears down my face. Lame but I could not help what I was feeling. Of course, I will stand by my sons, but it did not make it any easier to digest. Luckily the song stopped playing, and we moved on to another song and thankfully a much much higher energy one. Phew! Thank God for Pitbull and my ability to recover from being sad so quickly. Phew.


That class behind me, here I was last week considering if to attend class on a day when I was feeling rock bottom. I changed, put on my sneakers and arrived at class. I had no energy, no smile and was already thinking this had been a bad bad mistake. Everyone was in such a good mood that day. Gym friends all said cheery hellos and class started. Somewhere between my half ass merengue and weak reggaeton routine I noticed a girl in the back of the class. She was wearing a scarf over her head. Wait, I knew her. This is a girl that is always in class but now she has no hair and instead of being in the front of the class, she was hiding out in the back of the class. OMG! What happened? Cancer? Something like it? I thought. My heart sank and in that instant everything was put into perspective. Yes, things were really bad that day for me. Yes, there are days when my life just sucks and the future seems bleak but at least I have "life". This girl was probably fighting something completely different than I was but she was also going through her own pain and yet, here she was. She might have been in the back but she was rocking Shakira and Willy Chirino while I was self pitying during the songs. Just like that, I got over it. She inspired me to see the big picture that day. She reminded me that not all is lost and although things still hurt, we gain more by being positive than by rotting in negativity. We all have pain and we all have hurdles. It's about acknowledging it, feeling it, then putting it to rest (until the next time) and moving on.

My husband's response to me always saying "things could be worse" is usually " yeah but they can be much better too". He's right but since we can't control some aspects of our lives we need to focus on what we can and that's our attitude. It's all how you look at it.

For now at least, I have regained perspective and I am ready to keep rocking my Zumba class with a smile on my face regardless of what is going on in my life and class that day. I leave you in the company of Cuban genius Celia Cruz and her 2nd famous words "RIE, LLORA, que a cada cual le toca su hora" (loose translation: LAUGH, CRY because each one of us has our time)
That class behind me, here I was last week considering if to attend class on a day when I was feeling rock bottom. I changed, put on my sneakers and arrived at class. I had no energy, no smile and was already thinking this had been a bad mistake. Everyone was in such a good mood that day. Gym friends all said cheery hellos and class started. Somewhere between my half-ass merengue and weak reggaeton routine, I noticed a girl in the back of the class. She was wearing a scarf over her head. Wait, I knew her. This is a girl that is always in class, but now she has no hair, and instead of being in the front of the class, she was hiding out in the back. OMG! What happened? Cancer? Something like it? I thought. My heart sank and in that instant everything was put into perspective. Yes, things were really bad that day for me. Yes, there are days when my life just sucks, and the future seems bleak, but at least I have "life." This girl was probably fighting something completely different than I was but she was also going through her own pain and yet, here she was. She might have been in the back, but she was rocking Shakira and Willy Chirino while I was self-pitying during the songs. Just like that, I got over it. She inspired me to see the big picture that day. She reminded me that not all is lost and although things still hurt, we gain more by being positive than by rotting in negativity. We all have pain, and we all have hurdles. It's about acknowledging it, feeling it, then putting it to rest (until the next time) and moving on.

My husband's response to me always saying "things could be worse" is usually "yeah but they can be much better too." He's right but since we can't control some aspects of our lives we need to focus on what we can, and that's our attitude. It's all how you look at it.


For now, at least, I have regained perspective, and I am ready to keep rocking my Zumba class with a smile on my face regardless of what is going on in my life and class that day. I leave you in the company of Cuban genius Celia Cruz and her second famous words "RIE, LLORA, que a cada cual le toca su hora" (loose translation: LAUGH, CRY because each one of us has our time)



Azucar!

An autism Halloween

I love October. It's one of those rare times in Florida that the air actually starts to change. The light breeze goes from 95 degrees to 80. Ok, it's not much, but I will take it. (a gentle reminder that South Floridians break out the parkas at the mere mention of the weather dropping to 75. True story)

Along with that breeze comes Halloween. Now while I love any excuse to shop and dress up, the reality is that for most kids with autism "love" is not a word they would use to go with the word "Halloween," (if they are even verbal that is).  Kai is nine but still does not get the full concept. I guess that he does perhaps know that once in a while mommy goes nuts and makes him wear weird clothing and nags over photographing him in it. I usually start mentioning it a week ahead of time. I show him his costume and even draw up a social story for him in the hope something clicks.

This year Kai (9) was Batman. Quinn (2) was Robin.  Kai has been a Hershey's Kiss, Superman, army soldier, clown, Incredibles, fireman, soccer player, and Peter Pan. Quinn is still too little to protest it. Most of those costumes listed have no hats or masks, and if even if they did, they were worn for a split second as I snapped a photo and were never to be seen again. He must think I am nuts. I mean, why can't he wear his tee and shorts like every day? Why can't he just be? What fun is it to wear weird itchy clothing? I guess I can see his point. My rule of thumb for holidays is this: as long as I get ONE photo, the rest can go awry, and I won't care. At least, I try to stick to that.

I got the one photo!

The other BIG issue? Candy. They do not eat candy and don't care for it. They have been on a gluten/casein/yeast/soy/peanut free diet for the longest time. Although some candy falls into those categories, we just don't give him any. It's annoying to me that our standards are so low for our kids' diets. By "our" I mean, society in general. Peek into any kids school on a holiday party, and you will find 3 puffed Cheetos, a cupcake, and a handful of chips on their plates accompanied by some juice. That's all they eat for lunch.  I wonder why they could not concentrate in class and were hyperactive? That's how they spend the day until they get home and "hopefully" eat a well-balanced meal. Insert eye roll here when I say "hopefully" because I would dare say, it mostly does not happen. Need to point out that this goes for all kids: autism or not. If it was only truly just on holidays, but it happens more often than not without the holiday excuse. Not saying that had Kai not had autism he would not eat that once in a while, but I would make sure it would be only following a nutritious lunch. Is that so hard to do? But I digress... 

As it turns out, this year Kai was successful in repeatedly donning his Batman for not one, not two but three  Halloween parties! That was huge. Did I mention the Batman costume has a mask? I even think it was the first time he understood that going to a "Halloween party" entailed "conditions" (costumes).  When his teacher sent a note home asking for "special" items to be sent to school on Halloween such as candy, pastries, chips, juice, etc. I sent a note back saying "no thanks," and that was the end of that dilemma. I still cannot comprehend how they want to feed sweets to a classroom of kids with autism whose behavior will most likely deteriorate immediately afterward. Kills me. 

Halloween night we briefly attempted to go to a friend's house. It was a little rowdy for our taste. Kai was all over the place. Quinn (who is not walking yet) was just crawling all over the place with his little hands picking up all the dirt from under people's shoes and then putting his hand in his mouth. Did I mention I am neurotic about limiting the baby's germ exposure? I swear I am pretty normal otherwise. Ha!

We hit a big wall when we attempted to trick or treat. Here is Kai, being prompted to trick or treat for something he does not understand (since he does not know or eat candy). Why do we even make him do it? So he can "fit in"? So that we have a sense of "normal"? After he attempted to enter a couple of strangers houses looking for what I can only guess is the location of their computer, I called it a night. Here were these poor people offering Kai candy and all he did was push through them and stretch his neck hoping to find a computer or something to play with. Oy! Never again. 

Next year I think we will have the boys dress at home and participate in giving the candy to the trick or treaters that come to our house instead. It's more fitting for our lifestyle. We don't do candy, but you do, and we want to celebrate with the world so here, take it all and enjoy! This way they will also get to interact without the confusion of asking for something they don't eat. Makes much more sense and I think I have finally made some peace with it. Bring on Halloween 2012.

And now time to tackle an autism Christmas. 

It never ends does it?

How was your Halloween?

TIME

August 2007.
That's when I first started this blog.
That was exactly four years ago.
That was three years AFTER "the diagnosis."
That's a total of 7 years of dealing with the crap that is AUTISM.

If you need a refresher, here is the link to my first post ever.
http://asdqueenbee.blogspot.com/2007/08/first-official-post.html

I just turned 40. Reaching such a significant milestone made me stop and take a look back at my life a bit. Where have I been? What have I done? Reading my first post on this blog makes me cringe. At the time I was about to enter the lowest of my lowest points in my life. I had no idea I was drowning. Looking back at all the posts since then makes me want to cry along with that girl typing away. In a way, I needed this blog. I needed to vent and express all that I was going through. It's not that autism has gotten easier. Actually, I still can't put my finger on exactly what IT is. Autism still sucks. I still have low points. The difference is that maybe now I can handle it a little more gracefully. Just a little.

My husband and I have realized that this is not a short-term issue. We have realized that we have spent the majority of our 30s swimming against the current, not making it very far and almost drowning. It's hard to parent and live when you are exhausted from "swimming." We all know that 80% of marriages of autism parents do not make it. Who wants to be a statistic? Sometime last year my husband and I took a step back and decided that we were going to keep swimming, but we would do some things differently. We were going to take self-imposed timeouts to play. Adult play. You know, dining? Movies? Something OTHER than autism? What a concept! We rallied our troops and realized that we have a LOT of family support in terms of babysitting. At least more than the average person. Instead of staying home after the kids have gone to sleep, we go out. We have actual adult conversations. We have wine. Lost of wine. Sometimes, we even travel. Gasp! Yup, travel.

It could not have come at a better time. Taking these timeouts has made us more patient, loving and level-headed. We are not letting the anger consume us anymore. We are allowing it to fuel us to continue on a more positive path. Positive. Did I just type that? Wow. Of course, we still lose it from time to time. We cry, we scream, and we curse autism. It sucks you know. But all I am saying is that it has gotten...BETTER.

I have met a couple of moms recently who have told me they look up to me. Me? Really? Why? Don't they know I am a mess? Surely they don't mean me. But, it seems as though I have grown out of a lot of the autism grief and started controlling it instead of letting it control me and my life. It has been quite an eye-opener. I was also talking to a very old friend today. She reminded me just how far I have come. "You are smiling again," she said. "There were a lot of things you use to say years ago that made me realize just what a bad place you were in and I just listened and supported you." If you read the first line in my first post from 2007, it says "Flash that million dollar smile." It was a reference to a high school yearbook phrase used to describe a photo of mine from 20 years ago. Phew! That was a long time ago. For a long time there, I did not know where that girl went. Where was she? Who was this other person taking over her body?

I owe part of my "improvement" to Quinn's birth too. Quinn is such a happy little boy. He lights up any room with his smile and attitude. We worked hard for Quinn and although it has been tough and he is not exactly out of the autism window yet, he helped put things into focus. Knowing Kai and Quinn will potentially have each other as companions for life puts me at ease a bit. Comparing Quinn's life to Kai's I have been able to make level-headed decisions that will benefit them both and ourselves. I am also more focused because of them.

Kai is always improving. He is currently attending an amazing summer camp where he has learned how to swim underwater! My little Nemo! He is reading at an upper 2nd-grade level and doing 1st-grade math (although he is going into 4th grade). He speaks more fluently now and exhibiting a lot of new cognitive skills. Yes, he is still following a holistic protocol, attends an ABA-based school, does hippotherapy and attends a weekly social group. But, I don't know what has worked or what has not worked. I do know that besides all the treatments and therapies we have thrown his way, TIME has helped and been key. Is there a common denominator here?

TIME
It has worked for me.
It has worked for Kai.

I hope the 40s bring more positive into my life than it did in my 30s. I am welcoming it with open arms because frankly, my feet hurt. They hurt from kicking so much ass lately. Oh yeah, you read it correctly. Cheesy, but I mean it. Bring it on. I am ready. New decade. New me. For me and for my kids because now, I am smiling again.

Oh, and in case you were wondering about the adorable PEACE LOVE AUTISM logo I used above for this entry, here is the scoop:

My "sister" blog, PUZZLE PEACE NOW, is owned by my best friend and partner in crime. It is all about what brings we ASD parents "peace" on this crazy journey. She is also a very talented blogger unlike myself (please spare comparisons..be nice!). Also, you can pick up one of those logos as your very own CAR MAGNET! Time to lose that old school blue puzzle one you have on your car and pick this one up! Hurry! Go read!

Disney Cupid Shuffle...

We survived Disney again!

Phew! Did not think we would but we did! Of course, now I don't think I want to go back for a while. The thing is, it was exhausting to go with both kids. Quinn is too small to truly enjoy it and having him in the stroller just slowed us all down.

Kai loved it of course. He visited his usual faves: Small world, carousel, teacups and the character meet and greets. We also stayed at the Nickelodeon Suites (do not recommend), and he met the characters there as well.

I was reading over my last Disney blog posts, and we have sure come a long way! Kai is just such a different child now. So much more aware and mature within his autism. Meaning, he is nine but acts like a four-year-old instead of a two-year-old. I can say we are now seasoned Disney parents. I have also become inspired to write a Disney 101 for parents of kids with autism so look out for that sometime in the near future. (I would say soon, but with my record, that could be December!)

The thing I will remember most about this trip though has nothing to do with Disney. 

While getting ready for dinner one night, I heard someone in the other room singing "to the right, to the right, to the right, to the right." I stopped what I was doing and run into the other room. When I asked the other adults about it, they shrugged their shoulders and said they thought "it was perhaps the tv." I insisted that it sounded like Kai. I pulled Kai over and asked him to do "to the right, to the right." He looks up at me, smiles and starts singing and dancing! If you don't know because you have been living under a rock, go to YouTube and search CUPID SHUFFLE. Yes, that is what he was doing! Who taught him that? Where did he pick it up? I instantly remembered that he had been working on a secret project for the end of the school year show. I e-mailed the teacher about it, and sure enough, she confirmed they had been working on it for a while.

That same night, hours later, as we got back from dinner, just as we are literally stepping out of the car we heard the cupid shuffle playing loudly by the hotel pool. I rushed Kai over, and he stood there frozen with a huge smile on his face. He could not believe his eyes. There happened to be a Girl Scout party at the hotel pool with a DJ, and about 80 little girls were doing the cupid shuffle right in front of us. We could not enter because it was a private event, but we had a front and center view from the corridor. We started dancing along with them as we both smiled ear to ear. What a great moment! Completely random, but oh so fun! His eye gaze kept shifting from them to me as he danced.

A couple of days ago we attended the actual end of the school year show where he did a great job on the stage performing it for everyone. It was amazing to finally see him participate in something most kids have been doing since Kindergarten! He is now in 3rd grade. Most enjoyable of all was to see him beaming and doing it without assistance.

So there you have it. Something always comes from these trips I love to love and love to hate. We always have a lot of firsts while in Orlando and not sure why that is. The magic of  Disney? Who knows. I do know I will remember that moment forever.

Disney bound...here we go again..

Not sure what I was thinking...

A big group of our friends is driving up to Orlando to celebrate one of the girl's birthdays. 27 of us to be exact: 14 adults, 13 kids.We waited until the last minute to make the decision. We figured we would "try." Worst case scenario, we can hide in our rooms and give the kids free range of the I-series: iPad, iPhones, iPod and I-DONTCARE!

I rearranged our schedules today so that my husband would pick up Kai and so Quinn's therapies would dwindle from 3 to just 1.

Of course, I should not be blogging. I should be packing. Procrastinating the inevitable, I guess. Just the thought of the amount of packing we have to do makes me nauseous. Traveling with an almost 9-year-old on the spectrum, a 2-year-old with developmental delays, a Disney hating husband and an SUV packed with every single thing you can imagine is just NOT easy.

For starters, both kids are on a mostly organic,  gluten, soy, peanut and casein FREE diet. This means we take everything AND the kitchen sink. OK, not really but almost. Yes, there are things you can now get at most resorts for them to eat, but you still need most of the stuff because of the "what if" factor. What if they don't have it or you can't dine at the time they have? The kids can't wait or starve because we all know that equals: tantrums! Shoot, I have a tantrum too if I can't eat. Of course, I am a mom. I am entitled to one too right? And mostly because it's my job to pack all of this stuff. But I digress....Luckily, the hotel we are staying at has a full kitchen. Phew! I hate having to take the toaster oven each time in the past. What a pain. This time I can leave the pots, plates, etc. behind! I still need to take a GFCF loaf of bread, their hummus spread, pasta noodles, tomato sauce, goat milk, bananas, cereals, chicken nuggets, waffles, crackers, tater tots, pizzas, applesauce, baby food, baby bottle, ice packs, cooler, lunchboxes, etc. and that's off the top of my head. It also means I have to not only prepare breakfast in the morning, but precook and pack what the kids will be having for lunch each day to take with me in the morning. Nothing spontaneous here like a hot dog or cotton candy! Oh no! Not us.

Traveling with the baby who is only crawling right now means taking a bag of toys to spread out through the room. The hotel says the crib "is not guaranteed" and "we can only request one upon checking in." This means we have no choice but to take the portable crib with the corresponding mattress, sheets and the baby's mobile. Phew. Then there is the topic of CLOTHES. I will spare you my story on how much I like to take on trips. Really. It's better not to tell you about it. Let's just focus on the baby wearing 4 outfits a day. Oh yes, at least 4. There is the morning outfit, the nap pajamas, then the afternoon outfit and the night pajamas (thicker). It's only 4 if he didn't poop, pee, drool or dirty one of them during one of those meals I so lovingly prepare at 7:30am. In which case, backup outfit # 5 appears. Yes, I do not like toting around a dirty toddler. Which leads me to BIBS! When traveling with a teething baby, you are guaranteed soaked bibs or shirts. We established I don't do dirty babies, so I have to carry at least 5-6 per day and a bunch of the disposable ones for meals.

Then let's talk about my monkey. We have to make sure the chargers are packed, the Nintendo and charger, the Leapster and charger and the DVDs for the car. It's that or "charge it!" said by him at least 30 times in a minute until it's charged. Good times.

Last fall we made a similar trip with the same group of friends, and we vowed never to do it again. They all sat around, drank piña coladas and beer, read books as they watched their kids splash in the water and called out orders and scoldings from their chairs. My husband and I had one kid each. My husband shadowed the ASD one, and I watched the then 15-month-old who refused to peacefully nap under the umbrella and sheet we had prepared for him. How do normal people do it? Wow. I cannot imagine not having to worry about meals because you can just walk into a restaurant and eat or wait for a table to be ready to do so. Only having to pack your clothes. Nice. Walking around without having to be physically prompting the kids and actually having your personal space at all times. Speechless. Heaven.

Personal space? what's that?

So why do it? Why put ourselves through the misery? I don't know. I know I space out vacations enough to forget about the bad experiences and just reminisce looking at the old photos of the beautiful ones. Perhaps that shimmer of hope that maybe this time, it will be different. This time it will be worth it.

I know the last couple of times Kai has done amazing at the park (Magic Kingdom). We have been able to diminish the negative autism behaviors down to the bare minimum. It will be the baby's first real trip since he slept through the last one at eight months. We will also try to visit Universal. Our hotel, the Nickelodeon Suites, has an extensive pool and water slide area that will be our refuge the next four days.

For old times sake, these are the links to my last two blog posts on Disney trips:

http://asdqueenbee.blogspot.com/2008/07/big-disney-news-and-more-updates-on-us.html

http://asdqueenbee.blogspot.com/2008/02/not-so-magical-disney-trip.html




Not sure what's in store for us but, I need to end this post so that I can go pack.

Will check back once we return.

May the Disney pixie dust be with us!

Tootles!

The new program

Quinn (23 months) started a new program. It's a program designed as an early intervention for kids with delays. It is in a beautiful building and set up like a preschool. They do circle time, table tasks, play time, independent work, computer time, snack, music circle, teacher time, art session and playground time! They even have a parent support group meeting 1x a week with a psychologist! They rotate these meetings in 15-20 minute intervals. He just completed his 2nd week this week. 

He did not cry on his first day. He smiled and waved at everyone happily! He transitioned beautifully and had great eye contact with all his teachers. The second day was tougher on him. He was still a good sport but a lot more hesitant during the second half of his day. 

This week he did great. In table tasks, which is puzzles and fine motor skills, he seemed to be less resistant. His weaker areas are anything having to do with strength and coordination. His favorites are circle time and story time. He is captivated by the songs and the instructor. Kai (8) would have never sat for that long or kept his eye gaze at the teacher for that long!

Since he still not walking it is tiring to take him from rotation to rotation all day. The program runs for 4 hours twice weekly. Parents are required to be there the entire time. It is tiring for me because a lot of times he is working with the teacher, and I end up just sitting there. I am sucking it up because the program is nicely run and has so much potential to change Quinn's life! For everything I did not get with Kai, life is throwing me a bone (somewhat) and offering Quinn so many amazing opportunities.

Also, we are still doing physical therapy 2x a week, occupational therapy 2x a week and speech 1x. Psychiatric sessions for me are daily! Just kidding, that's what blogging is for right?

Preventing Autism 102

Quinn is about to turn 2. By the time his big brother Kai was 2, we were starting on our journey into autism. We can't help compare. Autism is too serious not to.

Quinn's c-section started off perfectly. He was somehow lodged in so deeply they had to use a vacuum to assist his exit. That is, a vacuum-assisted c-section. He did not cry right away. All you have when you are laying there is waiting to hear the baby's cry. I waited, waited, waited and there it was WAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAA. What an incredible feeling! I can finally take a deep breath and relax. I made it. 

And just like that my bubble was popped. 

The neurologist on call stuck her face too close to mine to say: "Mom, we are going to take him for some testing and observation." Huh? What is going on? Of course, I was half drugged and out of it. The surgeon finished my surgery, as I stayed there helpless. The hubby had instructions to follow Quinn at all costs.

All I wanted was to hear him cry and know he was OK. Now, this. In the recovery room, I stayed with one of my friends. We did not talk about the birth in detail. She was not saying much, and I was this drunken woman trying to slur my words and make sense. When was this woozy feeling going to leave? My husband finally appeared after what seemed like hours. He promised they would bring the baby soon. I asked him what had happened. He said, "Something is wrong, we don't know what." I asked " Down Syndrome?" (because my BIL has DS) and he said, " I don't know." Speechless. I still felt drugged from the surgery, but I knew this sucked.

To fast-forward through the drama that was the delivery, here is the shorter version. When he was born they felt his head was too big, his ears too low, had an undescended testicle, and because he has a patch of blond hair on one side, something could be wrong. They took precautions, did a sonogram and drew blood for genetic testing. All eventually came back normal. He had a little bit of jaundice and had to go home with a bile-blanket. He had to go in daily to get his blood tested etc. I was anxious for this to be over to finally enjoy my baby! Well, he is going to be 2, and I still have not been able to rest and enjoy him like a typical mom.

He has always been way below the average percentile. Steadily growing but way low in height and weight. It felt like it took forever for him to reach 10lbs. Trying to join programs like My Gym or Gymboree was useless because he was never in his age group and could never participate.

He did not sit until he was about 11 months, babbling started at 12 months, pulled to knees at 21 months and just now at 22 months started to crawl. It has been a long year of OT, PT, and ST. He has been to three pediatricians, an orthopedic surgeon, a hematologist, urologist and a neurologist. All testing comes back normal, and the only explanation is that he is hypotonic: low muscle toned. In my research obsession, while reading on autism for Kai, I found an article that most kids with autism have an MTHFR mutation. I had Quinn tested for it, and it was positive. Took it to the neurologist who was more insulted that I had found that before he did than worried about what it could mean. Really, dude? Ultimately, the hematologist said most people have a mutation and don't know it, was not concerned and sent me on my way.

We live day in and out watching for autism clues. We worry that he doesn't point although his occupational and physical therapists both assure me that he could not possibly point because that entails isolating his finger and he is not there yet physically. It seems that he is delayed in all areas equally. He is not a cuddler who lays his head on your shoulder or chest often. The only other thing of concern is crossing of his legs when on the high chair and mounting his middle finger on his index finger on occasion. Subtle. Does it mean anything? Who the heck knows? Maybe I am looking too much into every single thing.

Here is what we know: He is awesome! He is a very social baby. He loves to smile at everyone, wave hello and goodbye, sign for 'all done' and 'more', loves hugs, kisses and has amazing eye contact. Does not cry at sudden sounds, is OK with change, eats pretty much anything, loves getting messy and textures. He notices small sounds and is always happy. The best part of my day is going into his room in the morning. He always has a huge smile for me and is so genuinely excited to just be. Yet, we cannot sleep at night because we are afraid his delay might be autism. We won't know for at least another year.
Right now, he got accepted into an intensive early intervention program. It meets for 4 hours, twice a week. It's a baby boot camp to get him up to par with his peers in the hopes he can start a typical preschool at 3. The rest of the days are filled with two 1/2 hour PT sessions, two 1/2 hour OT sessions and one 1/2 of speech.

He eats a mostly organic diet free of gluten, casein, sugars or anything processed, takes nutritional yeast supplements, is on probiotics, vitamin D, folate, cod liver oil and flaxseed oil. Other than his delay, he is very healthy. He has never had an ear infection and he has been sick perhaps five times total. By sick I mean two days of sneezing or coughing and maybe a runny nose. He almost had a fever one time when it reached 100, but it went away as soon as it came.

As parents of 8-year-old Kai (ASD), we cannot help but micromanage Quinn's everything. We are doing everything and anything to prevent autism. Dodging the autism bullet is not easy when it seems you are genetically predisposed to it. At this point, we are still running and exhausted!

An update and a little more...

I was hoping that taking that leave of absence from work left me more time to blog. Ha! Right! That seems not to have worked out considering my last post was in August. I was way too optimistic and unrealistic. From now on I will cut myself some slack and blog when I can. Period. I had also hoped to separate both kids blogs, but that does not seem like it's going to work either. It will be one blog and one blog only. I will also blog about my life or my attempt at one and not just autism. It's a brand new ME!

Quinn (1) is making steady improvements in the motor skills area. With the help of PT, OT and ST he keeps improving on a daily basis. Not crawling or walking yet, but he is taking steps with support and also goes into knees and hands with little help. Fine motor skills are also emerging left and right. For example, he now holds his sippy cup proudly. He also signs "All done" and for "more." He is a super happy baby; everything is funny, everything makes him laugh. What a joy!

Kai (8) is also improving by leaps and bounds. At times, though, it's hard to remember that when he is scripting the entire Pillow Pets commercial or Elmo Holiday DVD. Urgh! He is reading at 2nd grade level (he is in 3rd grade) and doing double digit addition- even carrying over 1! He loves school and has started to use better-structured sentences unprompted! Imagine that! We are still using the doctor that is four hours away: ruling things out and going back to the beginning by carefully testing and acting on blood/urine/stool results. He is still on a GF/CF/SF/PF mostly organic diet. Up next, we will be going back to the "toxic metals" chapter. We had dropped that to focus on gut issues. Now that his yeast is under control and testing is back to normal we are ready for this stage again. 

He continues to attend hippotherapy and a social group both once a week. He has visited Sea World, local fair, the movies, bowling and even sleepovers with his social group. He LOVES it!

Both kids had a fabulous Christmas. Quinn seemed interested in the gifts, and Kai wanted to open all the presents- even if they were not his!

OK, off my soapbox for today.

Here is hoping everyone has a fantastic 2011!
May the force be with us all.

The magic of TOY RUS...

                                                                                                       NO, not Toys R Us, but TOY and then RUS (two words) TOY-RUS. That's what my monkey calls the store. He finally connected that if he asks for a toy, he can be driven to a store to buy it. Given that he has never really asked us to buy anything for him and we have missed birthday and Christmas gifts because of autism, we are enjoying this TOY RUS phase. He's been to Toys R Us before but never really paid much attention. Last month during a random visit, his eyes lit up, and he did not even know where to begin. He was very excited to look around and pick out a toy (or two). So what if they are all baby toys and he is eight years old? He gets it. Finally.

During the days that followed after that visit, he kept asking for TOY RUS and LADY BUG TOY over and over. I searched online for a ladybug toy and could not find what he wanted. The following week I took him again. I warned him it would be a quick five minutes (another new concept he now gets). I said in my best Tarzan autism speak "Five minutes, ladybug toy, and then bye bye." He just stared at me. Once inside, he happily walked ran in with me. I took him to all the sections he had previously visited with no success. Finally, I remembered one more area we had not looked in yet. Imagine my surprise when he picked up, not a LADY BUG TOY, but a LEARNING BUG TOY. I didn't understand him correctly. It is, however, shaped like a ladybug. He was so happy to hold it and walked to pay for it with me with no problem. So cool! I was delighted, he was happy, and the world made a lot more sense. A regular outing for us: no tears, no tantrums, no autism woes. Wow! He asked using his limited speech, and he received. Never mind that I didn't initially get the name right. I beamed knowing this exchange happened.

During the next month, he asked for TOY RUS every day after school. Of course, I din't take him every day, can't go bankrupt on this hobby now. But I do drive him once a month or so for a treat, and he always has the best time.

Lately, he's been using movie, online, and TV scripted lines and plugging them in at appropriate situations. When I pulled up he said: "I can't wait to play again!" As I took a little long putting stuff away in the car he said: "C'mon everybody, let's go outside!" As we walked towards the door he pointed and exclaimed "This way!" and "Let's go!" Once we got home, he said: "Here we are!"

At this rate, if TOY RUS keeps getting us such communication results we just might have to go once a week! He loves getting a new toy, obviously, but I can also tell he enjoys knowing that we now understand his requests. 

I might be too much of a dreamer, but this just might be a spectacular Christmas: one we have been dreaming of for a long time. 

A girl can dream, can't she? Is it December yet?

It's time...

So where was I all this time? Well, when I last blogged I announced I was pregnant. I had another baby boy, Quinn, in May 2009. That in itself was full of challenges. The past year and a half was mainly about my pregnancy, transitioning into life from 1 to 2 kids and all that it entails.

School started as usual that fall and Kai began 2nd grade. He had a new teacher who I really liked, but I began to get fed up with the administration and the lack of attention to "our" ASD kids. I spent the last three years trying to do things for the kids at the school. I attempted to organize a parent support group, became room mom and helped organize their parties and anything needed. I chaperoned field trips, volunteered more often than not and each time I was welcomed with a slap in the face, attitudes, and red tape. By the time January 2010 came, I was done. We started paperwork to get him out of the public school system and enrolled him in a private school. Did I mention that the last straw was when I encountered resistance to bringing in an air purifier to my son's room? Yet another lifestyle change came our way. We now have payments we did not have before given the school is 30 minutes from our house! It had to be done. He is 8. We refused to let him rot in the public school system and not give him a chance at a better education. I cannot waste time fighting for his rights so that by the time he is 20 and too late I might have made a dent in all their red-tape bullshit. Not happening. Not on my watch. 

This last March we switched doctors to one four hours from our house. So far, so good. He also started hippotherapy and has been doing a social skills group once a week as well. We have all been busy making sure the kids' needs are met.

Quinn has been a blessing and a joy to our entire family. He is a very happy, social and laid-back baby. He just turned a year old and does have some motor skill delays (no crawling, pulling up or walking), but no autism. He started to babble at 11 months, said "momma" at 12 months and is beginning to wave bye-bye. Late, but it's there. He has great eye contact too! We have taken every known precaution before and during the pregnancy and this past year. Only time will tell if we beat the autism monster or not. Kai loves to steal Quinn's toys, and Quinn just adores to watch all he does intently.

I recently took a leave of absence from my job to care full-time for Quinn and truly dedicate this next year to catching him up with his therapies and at home care. This should leave more time to blog. I am glad to be back. I have missed it!

Hope everyone has a fantastic summer!

Preventing Autism 101: Planning for our GREEN baby

We wanted a brother for Kai since he was two. Things did not pan out just how we dreamed of for a while. Five years later Quinn finally joined our family. It was a long, stressful, and painful journey. What matters now is that Quinn is here and we could not be happier. He is an amazing little boy. His smile lights up our day. Always smiling, always eager to play and learn. He loves his big brother and I cannot wait until I see them play together.

Preparing for Quinn, however, took a lot of effort. I am not talking about a lot of trips to Babies R Us. I am talking about being physically, mentally and environmentally ready for Quinn to join us. Because I already had Kai who has an autism spectrum diagnosis, I had to take as many preparations as possible to ensure that the things I could control were under control: my body and the environment in which Quinn would live. This was important. Kai's blood tests and urine toxic metals test showed elevated levels of mercury, thallium, tin, aluminum, and arsenic. This meant that Kai's body could not naturally detox itself from all of these chemicals we all come into contact with daily. If there was any chance Quinn's would be the same, we were going to take every precaution to make sure his exposure was significantly minimized.

I visited the holistic doctor who was then treating Kai. I tested myself for toxic metals and even did several rounds of chelation. Gasp! My levels were normal or as the doctor put it, I " had as many metals as any human being who had been walking on this earth for thirty-something years had." We slowly changed our way of living to exclude harsh chemicals from our daily lives and got used to doing things differently. We started in the kitchen. We reduced the use of the microwave, stopped storing items in plastic, got rid of aluminum foil, started using glass and wax paper. More importantly, we changed our diet to consist mostly of organic foods. Quinn would have glass bottles, and everything else would be BPA free and free of anything else that would be considered toxic.

We painted his room in a zero VOC Sherwin Williams paint and allowed daily periods to air out anything left in his room by opening the windows. Additionally, we invested in several air purifiers to put in his nursery and throughout the house. His crib was made of solid wood and painted with non-toxic paint. We passed on any area rugs for his room because those tend to be highly toxic to any environment.

Once that was done, we found ALL ORGANIC fitted sheets, crib mattress, swing, bassinet, bassinet sheets and the bassinet mattress! Phew! That was a pain to search for and choose! It's not that we don't want him to live in the real world. He is going to be already exposed to all of the crap in our environment every single day. Why add even more environmental insult to a potential genetic predisposition we can somewhat control?

As for me, I took my prenatal vitamins, avoided ALL fish (no matter just how low the mercury levels were) and stayed as healthy as I could. I had a fantastic pregnancy with no complications and somehow only gained 13 pounds (maybe the extra 10 I had going into this was a factor?).

One of my best friends held a baby shower for us: a gorgeous, glorious green-themed shower and that set the tone. We were now officially ready to meet Quinn. Will he beat the odds and escape autism? I don't know. I do know that I will do my damn very best to try! I will journal his journey in this world. His quest, against all odds.

Update on us...it's been a while!

It has been a crazy month!

Had a lot of work that kept me busy and added to my already high stress.

I finally feel like these last two weeks I have been able to rest, and I am looking forward to this faux South Florida "winter" break. :)

A lot to post about but where to even begin?

I will begin with the little monkey.

- Reports after reports from teachers and therapists all said just how well he's been doing compared to before treatment with the new doctor. 

- Got a phone call finally yesterday that yes, his stool sample came in and instead of a +3 he is now at a +1 with yeast which means they are not colonizing successfully like before. Have an appointment for next week to probably repeat the yeast protocol. Not looking forward to it though.

- Back to the school and therapy news, he has been using the learned phrases from ABA and using them in real life scenarios. An example is when he said, "He is riding the bike" to tell me that a child that was at our house was using his bike/tv toy and to get him out! lol

- Some skills have come naturally to him. Simple things like putting his socks on perfectly, shirt and shorts are all great breakthroughs. Such little things that we all take for granted.

- He is riding his razor scooter much faster now and balancing quite well compared to last month too!

- While at his holiday party at school he grabbed my arm and said "Mommy, go home now please." Not that he wanted me to go home, this meant LET'S go back now, please. I almost packed up and left just because he formed the sentence on his own without it being taught to him. We didn't leave though. Made him stay. Mean mommy. :)

- So, overall, he has been a doll behavior wise and back to his usual laid back, smiling, singing and dancing adorable monkey with all sorts of new skills to show!


On to something else, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!! Woohoo...yes, I am excited. We'll see how excited after Thursday, but it's been a full year, and my hopes are high once again. Last year he conquered opening gifts with A LOT of prompting, but he did it. He showed particular interest in the gifts, but it was a success to have him rip the paper open even if he did run away afterward.

What started out as a frustrating task of putting the ornaments on the tree ended up being very enjoyable. He put on at least three ornaments on the tree. He had done so last year as well so when he initially refused I thought he was regressing! But, turns out he just wasn't as into the Nemo ornament as I was. As soon as I showed him an old one he did it with no problem. Yeh!

I have finished wrapping the gifts. All of the toys have been taken out of the box, filled with batteries and are ready to be played with right out of the wrapping! I labeled the outside of the wrapping with his name and wrote the word TOY really big. I also added the corresponding #s to see if I can get a pattern going to show him that a- it's a gift FOR HIM, b- it's a TOY and c- there is a limited amount he will have to open. I also numbered them from least enjoyable (a spinning top) to the one he is going to go insane for (the leapster). Only because if he gets the Leapster first, the other toys do not stand a chance! ha ha ha ha

I took the contents out of one of the gifts this afternoon and left it unwrapped by the tree to "test" him. It's too much all on Christmas morning anyway so this is his early bird one. He bit! Boy did he ever! He ran to the box which is way bigger than him, brought it over to me and said: "Mommy, open golf please!" (It's a mini golf kiddie set). I was so excited. I rushed to get the contents I had hidden and brought it out for him. He proceeded to help me build it. Wasn't too hard but it was such a nice feeling to have him next to me "building" something.

Ok, almost done I promise. One more BIG announcements:

1- I am 5 months pregnant! Yes! Very exciting. It's another boy, so there is a lot of worrying going on, but we are doing our best to make this a healthy pregnancy. Taking my prenatal vitamins (which have been very tough for me), probiotics, eating as much organic food as I can, planning a toxic-free nursery and well, you get the picture. REALLY trying to keep those darn "environmental insults" out of our lives. Due date, May 10th! Woohoo!!!



Have a GREAT holiday everyone and as always, thanks for reading!

Have a GREAT holiday everyone and as always, thanks for reading!