The Magic Potion Lotion

I love the Authia cream. 

It's the newest thing we have added along with removing all aluminun foil from cooking any of his meals. We are also not microwaving anything anymore for him. Bye bye micro!

He is now pretty much 85% organic too. . We are only missing toys, bed sheets, mattress and clothing. As I type there is even a guy outside installing a salt water pool system.

But, back to Authia! Wow...here are some of the things he has done this past 22 days:

- Has become increasingly aware

- So much so that separation anxiety from his teacher has started. Instead of being zombied back and forth all day he is aware of where and who he is going with.

- Speech therapist said he imitated actions with Mr. Potato Head

- Two days in and up to yesterday at least has started to point to days and months during morning class ritual song.

- Played with his music drum appropiately

- Requesting "lunch time" any time he is hungry (he NEVER requests this-usually only requested pretzels)

- Started finally drinking from a cup and trying from the water bottle

- Pointed to my shirt and said "green!"

- Pointed and attempted to read some words from my PC screen

- Pointed to my car as I pulled up to the house and said "Look! Mommy!"

- When being scolded for pumping from my lotion in my bathroom he covered his face in dispair and said "Not again! " lol

- Passed his first ever reading and spelling test!

- Really trying to read words more often. This morning he read "Barney in O Square" for -Barney in Outer Space"

- Asking for his teacher when he sees her walking away

- Very curious investigating stuff all over the house

- Interested in my reading words to him

- Can untwist water bottle and pour with mostly success

- Making pretend he can blow up his big play ball (he can't do a straw yet but probably soon!)

- Kicking his ball

- Drank water from a fountain for the first time

- Said "I love you daddy"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Game me a voluntary, non requested BIG HUG as he said it too! ;)

Don't get me wrong, there still been hyper days and some days when the stimming drives me up the wall, but overall it has been more good days than bad. As usual, we are waiting for the "bad" to resurface because every time we start to get used to a lot of gains something goes south. 

For now, we are happy-happy-happy!

T.G.I.F

The Florida Panthers hockey game was the place we went to last night. A friend invited us to their corporate suite. Perfect! It is a decent sized room with a closed door, bathroom and just 3 steps below there are several rows of seats to watch the game in a private balcony. My little one can run all over the place, climb the seats and watch without bothering anyone. Except for the grape, he found on the floor and threw at a fan sitting below- oops-sorry sir!

He must have known something was up. The routine was different than most weeknights. By the time he woke from his afternoon nap, I was already dressed in street clothes and daddy was already home. You can tell he felt a little antsy and wanted to make sure we were taking him. He would not leave our side.

The arena is right down the street from us which is great as well. We got there in less than 5 minutes and went up the escalator to the suite. He feared the escalator initially (not sure why since he has always loved it), but got on it the second time around.

Got to the room and initially covered his ears from the loud music, but was VERY intrigued by the ice and the skaters warming up skating around. He did this the entire time on and off depending on the volume. At first, he sat and trembled a bit. I guess he was nervous but he cracked a smile as he covered his ears. The cold was unexpected too! Should have known. Duh, an ice arena? lol

Other than getting scared with the loud BOOM and crowd cheering when they scored, I would like to say that he liked it! In fact, if there was a break with no players on the ice he would get upset, request the DVD player, and start whining. But the minute they came out he would run out to see them. In case you missed that attachment story regarding DVD player please refer to the Disney post. We didn't take it so that we could break up that routine.

We didn't last the entire time, but for about an hour and a half, he was very into it all. I wish hockey had no breaks in between! Those were the hardest for us. I think, given the chance, this is something he would eventually get used to watching because of the non-stop action.

His eyes also easily followed the puck! Shoot, I could barely see where it was...lol

In other news, he had a good week in school. The teacher said he passed his first ever vocabulary and reading test with zero answers wrong!

He has also been trying to speak a little more. It sounds like gibberish but it's a lot more than before. It sounds like "ghsikhglkixhlgkhlxikdglhi MOMMY" He is for sure more aware of things going on around him and pointing to words on the classroom wall in school!

TGIF!!!!!!!!

The not so magical Disney trip

Our January Disney World Trip

Thursday: My husband, my mother, my son, and I left at around 2:00pm. My son fell asleep right on time as we drove north. Two and a half hours into the trip, we had to make a potty stop. The hubby came around to get our son just as I mistakenly locked the car doors. Silly me, I thought the hubby had everything with him. After all, how could he possibly come get our son, go back to get his wallet and the keys with him in tow. That's what he did and I locked us out. I took him to the potty and I then remembered we had Onstar. The hubby had already figured it out and was calling them. Just like the commercial, the door was unlocked in under 2 minutes. CLICK! Amazing! Way to save the day OnStar! I was ecstatic. We arrived at the hotel just a half hour later. Three hours of trip time. Not too bad. The weather was hideous in Orlando. I should have known then it would be a "stormy" weekend (in every sense of the word).

We settled in with all of our stuff: the infamous cooler we always carry with all of his food and refrigerated supplements, a toaster oven, and all of the other must-haves for all the just- in-case scenarios. We ordered a fridge and microwave as well. Because, you know, we don't have enough crap with us already. We all headed to Downtown Disney, after what seemed like forever in the room organizing our son's stuff, making his food (in a space of about 3" x 24"). Downtown Disney was right down the street and we made it there quickly. As we got out of the car, it started to drizzle and it never stopped. We walked to Wolfgang's and sat right away since we had reservations. Dinner was really good, as usual. My son ate his food. We had heated his food at the hotel. Afterward, we got out his DVD player as a reward. He seemed to become increasingly attached to the player as the vacation went on. The more people around, the more he used it to tune everything out. Once we finished dinner, he rode the train and the carousel. We walked around some, went to the toy store, and headed back to the hotel at about 10pm. All night long, my mother had a whole lot of opinions to share on just about everything we did or didn't do. "Put the sweater on him," "Watch his hand," "Don't do this," "Don't do that," "It's raining," "He is getting wet." Blah, blah, blah. I secretly hoped it would be the last of it, but it was not even the first of it.

Friday: We all woke up at about 8:30ish and did the usual morning stuff. We had awful coffee at the hotel. We also had to fill up the cooler with ice. The fridge was not cold enough for all his stuff, that sucked. The hubby was bickering with my mom all morning over the darn ice and what the best way was to put store his food. Oh joy! I was bickering with her to stop telling me what to do, how to dress my child, and how to f'in feed him. At least my monkey kept asking to go see the "castle." After repeating it for him constantly, he was apparently finally understanding where we were and where we were about to go. We left at 10am to Magic Kingdom. It was really ugly outside. The drizzling and 90% humidity was daunting. So much for all the winter stuff I packed. The weather channel anchor had mistakenly said it would be nice and in the 40s. Not so! We parked and took the tram. As we waited for the monorail, Kai announces he wants the "potty." I had no choice but to ask him to please hold it. Poor thing, it was probably extremely hard for him to do it. The hubby rushed to the potty with him, once in the park. Meanwhile, I went to Civic Hall to renew our Guest Assistance Card. This is the part where I heard the angels singing. Without this card, we would NOT be able to visit the Magic Kingdom at all! I always take my old one. This make the renewal process much easier. I am serious when I say this is the single most important thing we need during this trip. I would have left back home had they not issued it! Walked out, showed him the castle and his face was just in awe, that is, until he forgot about it minutes later. Sigh. We went to the tea cups for the first time. After the Pooh ride, we won Year of a Million Dreams extra hour in the park on a non-extended hours day. BUT, we gave them to some random family because our plans for that night were not to this park :( Oh well. With our guest assistance card, we were able to use the handicapped entrance, be in a separate waiting area that would not be so crowded and be allowed in first to make sure there was no breakdown for all rides. At most, we waited 5 minutes or so. The park was insanely packed though. I will NEVER again go during a long weekend for sure. No way! Headed to Dumbo. Right as they sat us in and it elevated it started pouring! Why not? Bring it on. Whatever. We got soaked. I was really trying to be positive here.Went to the carousel which he loved and finally to the Small World ride. He was now in heaven for sure. When we came out, we could not find the stroller. It was about 15 minutes, but with our son it felt like an hour. He screamed repeatedly for his "wagon" and the cast member who moved it could not find it. Finally found the damn thing as our munchkin was now in full tears. We headed to lunch at the Liberty place. While we wait, we saw The Rock!!! I forbid the hubby from going up to him since he was with about 12 family members. I did not want pandemonium for this guy. Lunch was yummy! I went back to It's a Small World and then watched the 3pm parade. He loved the last float with all the main characters.This was the first parade that he has actually LOOKED at in the 5 times or so that we have been to MK since he was born. He usually cries or buries his face in the stroller. He walked up to the castle afterward and with a very worried face asked " Mickey Mouse?" It was so cute! In his mind, this is where Mickey lives.

Did some shopping and left by 4pm. Again, bickering between hubby and my mom, my mom and I, non-stop. For every decision or comment I would make, she countered with a differing opinion and it was pissing hubby off! It's hard to take in all the nice things when all of this is the backdrop. Back to hotel and took forever to get the mouseketeer to nap. We showered and left to the Contemporary for Chef Mickey's dinner with the characters. Shopped a bit, watched the fireworks from the lobby and then back to the restaurant to sit. Almost immediately the characters started to come by. No time to eat. He did not like Goofy at all! My mom, of course, wanted him to eat at that precise moment. "Who cares if the characters are here, I want to feed him." "Really? Is this what we are doing here at Chef Mickey's? Feeding him? Silly me thought it was for him to meet the Disney characters! Go figure" Stupid. My son in the mean time was too overwhelmed and hid behind the DVD player. Taking it away resulted in a floor tantrum which made every one around us miserable. It was a lose/lose situation. I think even Mickey was annoyed. But, hey, we continued to take pictures with the characters and make it the best we could. Goofy? Nope. Donald? Nope. Mickey? Nope. He would not pose, so we did instead. He did like Minnie mouse a lot. The food was pretty average. This was the worst character dinner ever. Not because of my son's lack of interest or my mother being a PITA but because they just walk around, no show or anything like that. I envied the happy families who sang songs at the dinner table, ate ice cream peacefully on Mainstreet and the kids who begged to buy stuff at the shops. It all seems so normal and so far from our relationships with our son and family circle. Anyway….

Back to the hotel, exhausted mainly trying not to blow up and ruin our vacation. I mean, my mother was on overdrive this trip. She usually has bad moments and then calms down but not this time. Had it been hubby and I alone, it would have been more intimate and a much smoother trip. To add to the fun our son had not pooped. Poop is important as well all know ! By not detoxifying, all the crap (pun completely intended) is inside of him and makes him act out. He also does more stimming and becomes very hyper. But wait, there was still Saturday to go, woohoo!!!

Saturday: Good morning to all! He woke up super irritable from the get go and no poop yet. More stimming, throwing himself full body against the bed and all that fun stuff. Left at 8am to MGM. Foggy morning and 60 degrees though the forecast was for 80s, rain and cold weather at night. Get to the Jojo character breakfast he had loved last summer. They sat us at the wrong table. Then they sat us in a table in a corner, which hubby did not want. Lastly, we get our third and final table. He ran over to June and is mesmerized, for a couple of hapy minutes only though. He wanted her for him and wants to dance with her which was great. After that, he wanted nothing to do with Jojo, Goliath and the others. Nothing. He even shoved poor Jojo and pulled Goliath’s tail (OK that part was funny)! So again, he hid behind the DVD, we adults took pictures with the characters, my mom gave her opinion of what we could have done differently and all her expert opinions and it was just such joy. Hubby sat pissed off because he does not want to be there. He wants to be home watching football. He paid for us to do this and he could care less about the characters this time around and he is about to kill my mother. I am in the middle of them both, trying to console my son and wanting to choke my mother as well. We left to the Playhouse Disney Show and IT”S F'IN CLOSED! You would think they would have told me that or I would have read that with all my Orlando message board research! Fabulous. I somehow find energy to try to make the best of our day and suggest the Little Mermaid show. We went in and minutes in he hates it and starts to scream (during the silent breaks) “WAGON! OUT! BYE BYE! ALL DONE! CAR!” We request to be let out of the auditorium and leave. He screamed all the way back to the car. Once in the car, it was like nothing had happened. The weather was getting crappier by the minute. Found a Walgreens and bought some glycerin suppositories to make him poop and head back to the hotel. All the way back, my mom continued to talk about why she thought he had not pooped, what we should have done, what he was thinking, and all the wonderful unsolicited comments. Hubby went under the covers to shut everyone out once back at the hotel. I put the suppository in and then wrote in my travel journal, my mother, you guessed it,  kept whining under her breath and we all waited for him to poop.

Half an hour later, there was poop! The stimming remained though which was so difficult to watch and take. It can break anyone down watching your child act like a complete lunatic! Finally, I lost it. I didn’t scream like I usually do. I just cried. So frustrated. I fed him while crying and warned them both to stay the hell away from me and leave my son and I alone. After that moment of drama for me we packed and went back to Disney though that had not been the plan, but we could not stay holed up in the room. Now, it was 80 degrees and muggy and we were wearing the 60 degrees clothing. Our parking spot was in HAPPY 79. Just perfect! Happy? God sure is funny. These Orlando forecasters have it all wrong. Went to Fantasyland and rode teacup and Dumbo where, guess what? IT STARTED TO RAIN AGAIN! Unbelievable. This time we had no hoodies on, so we were officially soaked. Did more of the same rides from the day before and ended with It’s a Small world again and he still loved it! Finished and waited 30 minutes for the castle show to start. In those 30 minutes my mother cried, said this life was a punishment for her (personal drama I won't get into here), called me inconsiderate, denied being opinionated (huh?). I ignored her and sat with my baby boy while we waited. I was hearing her complain to hubby, but I was spent. No more blow ups for me. He told her she needs to find her place and let me be the mom whether she agrees with my tactics or not. This went on the entire time. It took every inch of me to not throw her into the Disney pond. The show started and he was super happy and dancing. That is, until the witch part came out when he started crying, wanting to leave and refusing to look at the show, with his eyes shut closed. So frustrating. To add insult to injury, like I posted before, the cast kept chanting "dreams can come true" over and over which got me to choke back my anger and tears over this messed up weekend. Finished the show and did one more ride before deciding to beg the lady at the Mainstreet restaurant to move up our 7:40pm dinner reservations to 5pm. She complied, yeh! I had to pull out the "my son has autism" card so that she would understand my urgency, but whatever works at this point. Sat by 5:30pm and had a quiet dinner with a perfect view to the castle. It was a brief moment of heaven. We even saw some fireworks from the castle show while dining. That was a happy couple of minutes. I was just drained. Trying to stay positive and taking my trip in, but all the bickering made it hard.

When done the hubby wanted to leave back to the hotel. I stupidly insisted we stayed, again, trying to be positive. I wanted my son to see the Spectro parade with all the lights. We walk and find a perfect spot to wait for it and it started pouring. Not raining, pouring, lightning and all. After waiting 20 minutes hopeful it would somehow stop, they announced the parade has been cancelled. Pure human hysteria. Imagine every single person at the park attempting to exit at the same time! Had we been single we would have dashed to the deserted rides. My son is freaking out because his legs are soaked and we attempted to pull out ponchos and umbrellas while running to the monorail. He hated my bright yellow poncho and my convincing him that mommy wanted to be Big Bird was not working. It was a human herd. We made it unto a monorail and followed the massive lines for the parking trams. Only 5 were working! It was about a full hour before we got on one. One hour of my son having a “I am wet, tired, no nap, annoyed, sleepy, get me the hell out of here” meltdown. His shrieks were so loud that I know everyone around us wanted to kill us. We got those "looks." We finally got on our tram and made it to the car and the hotel. Insert BIG breath here. Took turns showering and we all hit the bed and passed out. No energy to even fight anymore.



Sunday: Of course, wake up to a gorgeous morning in the 40s, beautiful blue skies and sunny. Hubby in a great mood because we are going home. I wanted to take advantage and do another park (yeah positive me), but I had it with him wanting to not be here and my mom so I bitterly agreed to leave. We still have 2 more days on our pass so I hope to use them in the summer either alone with my son or with hubby too. Home by 1pm and that was that.

Fix it...

And I am back...


Not too chipper, but not too somber either.

Here are some updates in our crazy world:

- Had a high school reunion. That was fun, but of course odd with all the questions "Oh your son is 5, he must love sports or this and that huh?" I just went along with it and said he was more of an artsy kind. Which he is! Everyone loved his pictures.

- He had several rough days where his behavior was unpredictable and lots of crying fits..

- Has started with the shoving us and pulling our hair, but does it all with a sweet smile because to him, it's playing. It's not in an aggressive manner. It's more of a curious cause and effect game. If you happen to react too much to it, he will do it more. The key is to somehow let him know it's not OK but in a casual way. Got that ? lol

- Continued with the nose and throat stim

- Endured a grueling blood work session. We took him to the doctor to get blood work for Vit D and IgG allergy testing

He knew something was up the minute we walked into that little room. We used a papoose right away and he was petrified. He screamed "Excuse me, please." I tried not to break down, but finally did. The first vein they tried gave them some blood, but popped. They had to try his hand instead. He screamed so loud I could not hold the tears back. I held his hand the entire time and just said " it's OK, a little longer, mommy is here." Sigh. Of course, the minute we were done he was fine and dandy.

- On a good note, he has been saying some random phrases that I initially thought we were just not hearing right. " It's gonna be OK" and "Not again," the jury is still out on whether they are random or not.

- The other day we tried to get him too look at the Grammy's during the Beatles Cirque du Soleil performance (it's something he typically would enjoy watching). He could not stay still for 2 seconds to even look. I finally lost it and was so upset. Not just at that, but the combination of how I had been feeling this month. He requested to go "potty" so I took him. I was trying not to let him see me cry, but he did. He lifted my chin with his little hand bent down to get a good look at my face. He saw my tears and said "fix it!" lol that's his phrase to well, fix his toys, fix his nails and of course, he wanted mommy to "fix" the tears....such a sweetie! Guess what, that made me cry more! lol I am such a cry baby this month. Geez. We then went back to bed (we co-sleep) and in the dark he would reach out to "check up" on my tears. He would touch my eyes to see if they were still wet..... awwwww!

- But the very very latest is that...wait for it... he got thrown out of his music program! Yup! Anyone that knows him knows he is the sweetest child. Like I mentioned above, even when he is shoving he completely thinks he is playing and does not grasp that people can get hurt. Anyway, it was his fourth session. The first two were great, the third one last week was a little shaky. He was doing his now increased nose/throat stim and completely overwhelmed the so called therapist who could not discipline him. She appeared to be flustered and not able to concentrate enough to get a grip on her big class of 4 STUDENTS! So, this past Saturday he was doing the same stim and as an added bonus was apparently shoving and throwing the guitars. Well, while he might have done those things, he CAN be disciplined which she did not do. My husband and other parents were outside and did not at any point hear her discipline him or even tell him to stop. She just abruptly walked him out of the class by his dangling arm and tossed him to my husband and said " We will speak after class" and walked back inside. My 37 year old husband could not believe this woman! He also refused to be told to stay after school like if he was in 7th grade and left. She later called and said she was afraid for her "well being" LOL! (my barely 40 pound skinny boy) and that he could not be in a group setting. Never mind that she never even asked to work it out with my husband as to a different approach or even having my husband be present in the classroom. Never mind that my son attends regular public school and has never in his 5.5 years had this kind of problem with a teacher. We complained to the supervisors and got a refund or private one on one offered, but we just do not think this woman is the right therapist for him. It's not like he was in an exclusive art school. This is a center for kids with autism. My child is not even severe! What would she do in a severe kind of setting? Urgh!

- In any case, he has been much calmer the last 4 days or so and much more verbal. We are wondering if it's the added use of the AUTHIA cream we are using daily. Like with everything, it's just a guessing game. We simply do not know.

- Not sure if I mentioned this already, but we also got rid of all aluminum foil for his cooking and no more microwave use either. We heat everything in the toaster over or stove top the old school way. I was reading about it on this book called "Dylan's Story" (which was a good read btw). I learned a lot and plan on putting some of those theories to good use. My husband and I have also stopped wearing perfume inside the house. We take it with us and spray it outside. Here's hoping every little bit helps.



That's it for us now.

In the words of my fave Scarlett O'Hara
" After all ... tomorrow is another day."

Autism Sucks

I am sad and angry today.

I have been all week.

It's here again. The depression stage that I had successfully kicked to the curve last fall.

For the last couple of weeks, he has hit a plateau. In fact, now the stimming has increased. When stimming increases I am reminded more than ever about the A word: Autism. I find it is possible to forget about it a bit when the stimming is not there.

He has increased the nose snort thing he does along with the throat one he does. In addition, he has started to shove and throw things high into the air. Things like toys, shoes, balls, etc.....

Exactly one week ago we set out for Disney. Me, the big Disney fan, was actually stupidly hopeful it would be heavenly. While some good did come out of it, it was mainly a miserable experience. The good was OK, but the bad was baaaaaaaaaaaaad. While watching the "Dreams Can Come True" show in front of the castle, I almost left in full tears and with a nervous breakdown. My son wanted nothing to do with it and it was almost the end of the trip already. He insisted in shutting his eyes and not looking up as he covered his ears and hummed. My mom bickered with my husband and while all of this was happening the cast was making the audience chant "Dreams can come true, dreams can come true" over and over. I could not help but look up at the stage and wish they would all shut up and go away. As I watched the audience under the "magic of Disney" spell, I felt so stupid standing there while everyone chanted. Here I am looking at my son who wants nothing to do with the show and is stimming like crazy. What dream? Certainly not mine! My dream is far from coming true. This was more like a bad dream. I fixed my eyes on the top of the castle and tried to tune it all out and waited for the happy ending of the darn show. I could not walk out. We were in the middle, front section and impossible to leave out of it. I fought back the tears hard. But, enough about Disney, that's a whole other post. Just sharing why today I am feeling sad.

This post is about the rest of the week when we got back from Orlando.

On Monday we went to see our holistic doctor. We were escorted into the tiny room and the doctor came in a half hour later. While he reviewed where we last left off last August, my son stormed through the closet sized room which already contained 3 adults, a TV and some toys. Things were flying and stimming was high as he climbed the sofa and just created a lot of chaos. I was glad so that the doctor saw how he can be, but I was mortified that he was being this hyper. He really isn't really like this usually. 

After the 40 minute consult was over I felt like I had run a marathon. I was completely beat. $200.00 for the consult and about $300.00 in blood tests (to be done soon), and a urine toxic metals test (to be done soon). I wanted to run out! All that money and he was still so far from recovered.

I went home feeling very down.

That same night, well really the next morning at about 1:50am our son woke up crying hysterically. He can't explain what he was feeling, but in a sleepy, whiny, crying voice he was saying "ear!" and "mouth!". I thought that perhaps he was losing a tooth and it hurt. I also thought he might have an ear infection, though it has been years since the last one. This went on for what felt like forever, but it was really about an hour. I called the peds office completely anticipating it would not help. My husband in the mean time wanted me to give him Tylenol. I refused because of the reports on decreased glutathione linked with Tylenol. He then used this time to mock our "natural" approach to our son and said "well, what do we give him then". The sad answer was "I don't know."

The nurse on call, called back. She interrogated me forever and then said Motrin and cold compresses to the ear. My husband left to buy Motrin and I attempted the cold compress with no success. He fought me off. Sigh. Finally, my husband brought the Motrin back and with that, he went back to sleep in about 10 minutes.

I left him home from school the next day worried and took him to the doctor's office to get checked out. He barely complained . Just said "ear" a couple of times, but was in a good mood. Here is the story from the pediatrician's office.

I had a 10:30am appointment, I made sure and walked in at 10:30am to avoid the prolonged waiting. In the lobby as we waited, there was a little girl who was about 4 and her little 2 year old brother. They took an instant liking to my son, unfortunately. They kept asking him questions which he would, of course, ignore and stay silent doing his own thing. The little girl came up and asked "What is his name?" and "Does he talk?" I told her his name and said he spoke a little bit. The little boy started getting upset that he would not answer back. Finally, out of frustration he said "Hey! what's wrong with you punk head?" I swear he said this. A 2 year old. He then proceeded to follow my son around screaming "What's wrong with you?" Emotionally, I did not want to bring the autism card out to the kids mother and get into it. I just did not want to talk about it. I rather let her think whatever she wanted and leave it at that. I redirected my son as the little 2 year old boy kept harassing my 5 year old. The office is usually good about appointments. At 11:00am I finally walked inside uninvited and asked how much longer they would be. My son was starting to get really hyper, jumping off off things and, in addition, there was this situation with the little boy. They said that because I was a same day appointment it could be another 45 minutes. As usual, I failed to keep my cool and burst into tears. I hate when I do that. I told them to cancel my appointment, that I could not wait outside with my son. I stormed out. I then thought about it and walked back in. I told them that I was not being ungrateful or impatient, but that my son has autism and he could not stand to wait yet another 45 minutes. Luckily my son had to go potty and while I took him, my mom pleaded our case with them. By the time I came out, they called us in, put us ahead of everyone and the pediatrician saw our son. No ear infection, nothing wrong with him. He gave the ped a hard time while he examined him, but we were out in about 15 minutes.

I walked up to the reception desk and I thanked the girls. I told them that this meant a lot and that they have no idea how much it helped. Before I could continue to thank them, I turned and caught my son right when he shoved a little toddler down to the floor. I rushed over there, picked up the toddler and apologized to him and apologized to the mom. The mom gave me the death look and I made my son say "I'm sorry" to the toddler. But you know, it was more echolalia than anything. He had no idea that what he did was wrong. So, I took my son by the hand, said another thank you as I walked out with the toddler still screaming in the background.

I wanted to disappear.

I cried on my way home. Shocker. It had been 6 continuous days of this, of autism all the time, day and night! It's never going to stop is it? I mean, I am pretty resilient. Yes, I am a crier, but I get over things pretty quickly and move on. They are usually bad at the moment and then I can focus again. But this? This has been wearing me out completely. I might do another posting soon while happy and chipper, but not today. Today I am mad. I am angry.

The best part of this story comes from the reports from school yesterday and today of increased stimming, shoe throwing, and whining. Nice.

If I lived in a bubble, everything would be just fine. We have our routine, our son is usually happy and we live. But when put in the very real day to day situations and with other kids, things suck. I am tired of explaining my child's behavior and of pulling out the autism card. There is no price on the health of your child. There just isn't. I am living with an incredibly cute and happy child who is in his own world. I mean, even a blind or deaf child can have a conversation with you and tell you how they feel. That they are hungry or that, hey, I really like it when I wear that red shirt. It is sad when you are put into that situation of analyzing how much worse it could be or how someone else's misfortune might be better than yours, but it's reality.

I am pissed off at the world today. I don't understand kids suffering. Why? What good does it do? Is God trying to teach me some sort of lesson, because really I am not getting it and if anything, it's making me into an ugly version of myself. I don't feel like looking at "on the bright side" today.

I want to scream at the Disney show creators for making the audience chant "dreams can come true." B.S. well, I take that back, I guess they can for some people, just not for me. Why does my little boy have to go through this? Why do any kids have to go through anything remotely cruel?

This is me venting. Take it as it is: one really sad and angry mom.

So quiet...and the mouse

This past week has been pretty much QUIET.
I was so excited with each week of gains we had been having, but nothing this week.

Is this the plateau I was worried about?
I hope not.

We leave to Disney World on Thursday!
Let the packing begin!

He has been on the Disney website staring at the castle over and over.

He doesn't understand when I tell him that we are going to see Mickey and the castle.

He just gets excited when the fireworks shown on the website begin.

He also loves the Mickey Sing-a-long video, filmed at the park.

Since he's starting to understand the days of the week a little bit, I keep saying "Mickey on Friday." But, he just smiles, skips away and moves on to something else.

We visited last June.
He did pretty good and had a good time.
Fingers crossed for another good trip.

The hotel is lined up, refrigerator and microwave reserved for all of his special food and supplements. We are taking the toaster oven and a cooler with all his stuff.

I have my photocopy of his diagnosis as a back up as well as last summer's Guest Assistance Card, which was a blessing! Hopefully this will make it easier to get a new card without any hassle.

It is supposed to be in the 50s at night, brrrrrrrrrr, remember we are Florida residents. 50 is really cold for us. I just hope it does not rain. :(

We have booked 2 character breakfasts too!

Getting excited but as usual, nervous about all the what ifs.

Will post back soon.

Oh yeah!

More news:

-  Requesting "lunch time" and " dinner time" versus just the usual "crackers" which really means "feed me."

- When scolded for touching the TV he looked up and said "No, it's OK!". He has never defended any actions he has been in trouble for. Usually there is whining or crying involved, not words!

- Rode the carousel at the zoo! Twice!

- While watching a show at the zoo, he had a snack, bounced to the beat of the music playing AND clapped his hands without being prompted. Usually I have to remind him to clap! Not this time!

- On his first, second and third day back to school (today!) after the break, the teacher reported increased verbal skills, interest in the other kids, better eye contact and no whining/crying all day long! 

- Went on a field trip to a farm in school in the big yellow school bus and sat with absolutely no problem.

- When I picked him up from school, he requested "I want yellow school bus" to which I had to say that perhaps "soon," though really I felt like stealing the bus and taking him on a ride. It is huge that he requested this!

- During nap time, requested "MY socks." # 1 He never requests anything at nap time # 2 If he would, he would have just said "socks" # 3 He doesn't say "MY" anything. This was his first MY request!

In the words of Queen:

"Is this the real life-

Is this just fantasy-

Caught in a landslide-

No escape from reality-

Open your eyes-

Look up to the skies and see-"

We are ecstatic!

Can it really be that all of this is happening?

Then again, tomorrow makes one week from the parking lot tantrum incident. 
Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Fingers crossed!